Happiness is Addictive

Moving

2009-11-25T21:18:00.002+08:00

Yes I'm moving somewhere else. BYE:D
Of course you can find me again somewhere if you set your heart to it. I didn't just totally remove my blog like someone else hmmm.

18112009

2009-11-18T20:03:00.001+08:00

Let this day be remembered as the day we took our Econs Paper 2 exam.
And the day that everyone started screaming.

Not sure if that means I'd get really bad as well. This is the subject I constantly can't seem to grasp the marks of. Hence the lack of feelings for myself for that matter.
But tis truly the season I'm feeling sad for all my friends out there who are screaming. I feel so angry that they are feeling bad. I want to love all of them more. But there's nothing much all of us can do anyway. Don't be sad kay!

So onwards we march to Physics. The shuffling will get terribly loud I suppose.

其实

2009-11-17T21:13:00.002+08:00

是那个把它放在钱包里的人。还是那个把它放在心里面的人?
是那个在痛苦之中学会勇敢的人。还是那个在微笑下眼里留下残局的人？
是那个四处张望，期盼回应的人。还是那个默默坐着，用秘密的心情继续一切的人？
走第一种人容易。还是做第二种人更难？

我要学会，变成第二个。

Let Junwen Put You into Perspective

2009-11-15T15:19:00.000+08:00

Exact quote forgotten, but...
"Let me tell you how the A level A level paper is like okay. [He meant the UK one] They had one question in which they showed you the clock, and you were supposed to write down the time that appears on it"
Get the point?:D

重生

2009-11-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

北卡终于重生了！是个值得庆祝的事情。
中学的时候好喜欢看他们的杂志，里面的故事也很有创意！
希望能继续加油！

=D

2009-10-27T09:59:00.005+08:00

We remember! I'm so happy that he actually remembers, two and half years later, even if it's just on cyberspace.

Au Revoir, 6i

2009-10-09T16:29:00.002+08:00

It's the official last day of school.

I think it's not exactly the time of the year for me to get all sentimental yet, since we've all got compulsory mock papers and a collective exam to fight for, but it's a good chance to express some gratitude.
Thank you 6i. For being the fun and emotional one hell of a ride.
We've all grown from staring at Junwen being soaked in his shirt of sweat to ignoring even his complete baring of chest in class. We've all grown from gawking at Kenneth's aptitude at sick interpretations to getting entirely polluted. And yes, we know his favourite underwear colour is baby blue. We did not want to know that actually.
We've all accepted Desmond and Tying's entirely inhuman capabilities at Math. We've all grown immune to Sihan's imbaness at everything, and still failed to steal any of his precious brain cells. We've all probably rolled our eyes at a particular someone who professed his full capability after a certain physics paper, and laughed at his archrival's total expression of 'fake' annoyance thereafter. We all know who's the mugger of all muggers, and the perfect way of suanning him has something to do with liverpool. And nobody else probably idolises Sihan more than he does.
We've all associated Cheryl with Johnny Walker, or at least heard of similar associations to star wars etc. We've all called Yingying Ahma or Nainai. We've probably all called Bhong the fat one once in our life times, and suaned Quah's pizza at least once.
We've all laughed at xt's capability to randomly poke her head into conversations and fish for information. We all know Dharsh's 'dyslexia', and yes it probably has something to do with hanging around too much with another individual who walks into all sorts of things right in front of her, including glass and doors. We are probably all guilty as inaction-ers towards Zhuyi's total racial discrimination against our dear ct rep. We all know that when a certain individual who's one year (or two or three years) younger than us is absent for class he's probably not really having a flu.
We've all heard of a certain Kay promote her family and herself, and a certain Tan sayang and getting sayanged. We've all understood the special meaning behind strawberries, oranges, and even angels. We all known that our treasurer is in a sentimental single gender relationship with the last of our index numbers. We've probably all understood the full meaning behind Pingfang and Daryl's DATEeve bonding and the covalent bonds between Bixue and Junwen.
We've all grown from hating each other at times to acceptance and love. We've all probably gotta closer in the last few months than many days in the beginning. We've not entirely cried together, but we have definitely laughed together in utter madness upon many occasions. We are proudly bred by a moe scholar who happens to be a harvard alumni, a chem tutor who uses balloons to 'terrorize' his students, a multitude of econs teachers, three pregnant ladies (See lah Kenneth too much sex education), a mother of four that we all love, and a would be mother that seems to be born to be a teacher. We are in your gratitude (mostly).

But mainly I thank you 6i, for just being there. I just simply can't bear to thank you enough.

So which age are we in again?

2009-10-01T20:57:00.000+08:00

the eve

2009-09-26T22:40:00.003+08:00

I listen to them sharpening their blades against the moon, the sound of crisp metal agitating stone.
I hear them breathing the air heavy, muscles tensed like lions wary.
I detect flags slapping the cold night, slicing the wind like animals' hide.
It may not yet be the time, but it will and when it will, we will conquer, heart in our throats, eyes on our feet, and lives set in the sky. For we shall remain in eternity, like sapphires, even if it is only in our own eternity.

One month. The eve.

2009-09-23T21:10:00.002+08:00

For the longest of times, I wanted to know someone that can truly share all my passions. I've found people who share a bit here and a bit there, and even someone who shares a load of it.
But I still don't think I've found 'the one' yet. Someone who likes the same war films, who likes all the guzhuangxi, who loves history, who likes the queer books (or maybe not so queer), who likes to observe human behaviour, who likes to do outrageous things in the middle of nowhere with me, who likes to listen to film soundtracks, who likes chinese novels, who understands science, but adore the arts...
I've been trying hard to develop all ways of communicating with all kinds of people, you need to understand a bit of manga, a bit of games, a bit of english music, a bit of chinese there, I find more things that I like, and go further away from finding someone that can truly share all of these things in their summation. I think I'm looking for a sense of fulfillment, a sense of mutual understanding and excitement for something that you rarely find someone else mad about with you. Is my frequency so hard to tune to?
))):

Maybe we need some inspiration too

2009-09-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
IN A NATIONAL ADDRESS TO AMERICA'S SCHOOLCHILDREN

Wakefield High School
Arlington, Virginia

12:06 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Hello, everybody! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. All right, everybody go ahead and have a seat. How is everybody doing today? (Applause.) How about Tim Spicer? (Applause.) I am here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we've got students tuning in from all across America, from kindergarten through 12th grade. And I am just so glad that all could join us today. And I want to thank Wakefield for being such an outstanding host. Give yourselves a big round of applause. (Applause.)

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it's your first day in a new school, so it's understandable if you're a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now -- (applause) -- with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you're in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer and you could've stayed in bed just a little bit longer this morning.

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived overseas. I lived in Indonesia for a few years. And my mother, she didn't have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school, but she thought it was important for me to keep up with an American education. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday. But because she had to go to work, the only time she could do it was at 4:30 in the morning.

Now, as you might imagine, I wasn't too happy about getting up that early. And a lot of times, I'd fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I'd complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and she'd say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster." (Laughter.)

So I know that some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I'm here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I'm here because I want to talk with you about your education and what's expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now, I've given a lot of speeches about education. And I've talked about responsibility a lot.

I've talked about teachers' responsibility for inspiring students and pushing you to learn.

I've talked about your parents' responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and you get your homework done, and don't spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with the Xbox.

I've talked a lot about your government's responsibility for setting high standards, and supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren't working, where students aren't getting the opportunities that they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, the best schools in the world -- and none of it will make a difference, none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities, unless you show up to those schools, unless you pay attention to those teachers, unless you listen to your parents and grandparents and other adults and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. That's what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education.

I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself. Every single one of you has something that you're good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That's the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a great writer -- maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper -- but you might not know it until you write that English paper -- that English class paper that's assigned to you. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor -- maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or the new medicine or vaccine -- but you might not know it until you do your project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a senator or a Supreme Court justice -- but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life, I guarantee that you'll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You're going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You cannot drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You've got to train for it and work for it and learn for it.

And this isn't just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. The future of America depends on you. What you're learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.

You'll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You'll need the insights and critical-thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You'll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents and your skills and your intellect so you can help us old folks solve our most difficult problems. If you don't do that -- if you quit on school -- you're not just quitting on yourself, you're quitting on your country.

Now, I know it's not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.

I get it. I know what it's like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mom who had to work and who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn't always able to give us the things that other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and I felt like I didn't fit in.

So I wasn't always as focused as I should have been on school, and I did some things I'm not proud of, and I got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

But I was -- I was lucky. I got a lot of second chances, and I had the opportunity to go to college and law school and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, she has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn't have a lot of money. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don't have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job and there's not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don't feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren't right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life -- what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you've got going on at home -- none of that is an excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude in school. That's no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. There is no excuse for not trying.

Where you are right now doesn't have to determine where you'll end up. No one's written your destiny for you, because here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That's what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Neither of her parents had gone to college. But she worked hard, earned good grades, and got a scholarship to Brown University -- is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to becoming Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I'm thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who's fought brain cancer since he was three. He's had to endure all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer -- hundreds of extra hours -- to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind. He's headed to college this fall.

And then there's Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods in the city, she managed to get a job at a local health care center, start a program to keep young people out of gangs, and she's on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

And Jazmin, Andoni, and Shantell aren't any different from any of you. They face challenges in their lives just like you do. In some cases they've got it a lot worse off than many of you. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their lives, for their education, and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That's why today I'm calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education -- and do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending some time each day reading a book. Maybe you'll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you'll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all young people deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you'll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, by the way, I hope all of you are washing your hands a lot, and that you stay home from school when you don't feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.

But whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes you get that sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star. Chances are you're not going to be any of those things.

The truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject that you study. You won't click with every teacher that you have. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right at this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That's okay. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. J.K. Rowling's -- who wrote Harry Potter -- her first Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. He lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that's why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understood that you can't let your failures define you -- you have to let your failures teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently the next time. So if you get into trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to act right. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one's born being good at all things. You become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. The same principle applies to your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right. You might have to read something a few times before you understand it. You definitely have to do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength because it shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and that then allows you to learn something new. So find an adult that you trust -- a parent, a grandparent or teacher, a coach or a counselor -- and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you, don't ever give up on yourself, because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn't about people who quit when things got tough. It's about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

It's the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and they founded this nation. Young people. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google and Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask all of you, what's your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a President who comes here in 20 or 50 or 100 years say about what all of you did for this country?

Now, your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I'm working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books and the equipment and the computers you need to learn. But you've got to do your part, too. So I expect all of you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don't let us down. Don't let your family down or your country down. Most of all, don't let yourself down. Make us all proud.

Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you. God bless America. Thank you. (Applause.)

END

Welcome Back

2009-08-28T22:02:00.001+08:00

Welcome back Jess! It's great to have you around again. Cause cause. I won't be the most retarded one anymore!(: (: (:
Spent the last few hours of the last day of school with 406ers. The fun hasn't stopped yet. Miss them loads, and want to have class gathering very very badly! It's really ironic how even when we always have so much fun together that we don't really meet up, and the only time we did it is when our jc lives are finally ending!
Sorries to Jess for not giving her as much of a good welcome back as I could. Was rather pre-occupied the previous day so couldn't really organize a sumptuous feast of lunch for her and totally wasted the existence of my swensens card><
But it's good nonetheless(:
Randomly found my primary school classmate's no. online and went to disturb him. HAHA typical Yajie behaviour. Was utterly surprised to find them gang of guys still keep in touch, cause they don't usually turn up for gatherings and stuff. 6/1s out there, I wish all of us can meet again after As! Gosh such a reunion seeped week:D
Thanks loads to Danny and Enqi who surprised me in the morning with the cake! Hahah I totally forgot to expect anything this year, which made it all a marvelous surprise! So sad the cake got squished after following me around for one day, but it tastes good nonetheless!
Thanks Cheryl Xiang Ting and Ying Ying for the cutesy breado and the very fat pen(: Hahhah Cheryl totally moved me with the note though I don't think I'm as good as a friend as she puts it she's supremely nice(:

Happy birthdays to Paul Tern. Still remember the unfairness last year when all the councilors were singing happy birthday song to him but i was left alone cause everyone from class scooted off to give birthday presents>< But rawrrr i will get my revenge some day mwa hahahah

Singapore Needs to follow more Sustainability on what it already has

2009-08-22T23:02:00.001+08:00

When you actually Start to feel Scared

2009-08-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

Yes Yajie is starting to feel scared.
And she's not doing enough.
Great job.

Trying to live up to expectations, trying to not lose face in front of people (Like ppl who i sms like life's still great to who has got all As).

Jiayou!!! RWARRR.

A Tough Case

2009-08-08T10:20:00.002+08:00

This is written from China's perspective, yet it holds certain values that Singaporeans could learn much from too, especially for us students, student from ___.

Am I a Rich Person? by Jian Shuo Wang
It is a very tough topic, and it is surely controversial. But it puzzled me a lot and I take the courage to share it.

In the last few years, I wrote an article The World of Different Rules talking about my conflict with a mason, and another article talking about my conflict with security guards. The root cause for the conflict is, I think, my hope of a better country - a country with more respects, and with more rules - A country that people respect private property, and a country where people are eventually equal - not because being rich or poor, or the positions they hold. Everyone should follow the rules, and be equal. I saw so many injustices the rich people did for the poor people.

However, recently, I bitterly reflect what I am doing, and I started to ask the question: Am I seen as a rich people from the poorer people?

Obviously I won't be naive enough to say I am still the poor. Rich is a relative term. My Ayi in Shanghai earns more than a middle school teacher in Luoyang, and an intern in my company earns more than most people I know in Luoyang, not to mention the rural areas. The gap between Shanghai and other part of the country is as obvious as developed country and developing country. Should I feel evil about it?

In Shanghai, after working for 10 years with pretty nice track record, I am relatively richer than people who just graduated, or people who are not fortunate enough to receive university education and are still doing labor intensive work in this city. Should I feel guilty about it?

When I use the newly developed standard of services and the sense of “justice” to judge people I often felt angry, and there are more and more conflicts between myself and other people.

I started to yield at drivers who don't yield to people on pedestrian when they do right turn. I started to educate service people behind the window of banks to show respects to their clients. I even started to educate people in the government that they should pay respect to citizens, and don't yell to them, because they are not their slaves; I was even naive enough to mention to them that it is the tax payers money that supported their job (I was surely laughed at loudly). Anyway, there are so many situations that I feel I am right, and people are doing something wrong.

Until one day, Wendy said this to me: "Jian Shuo, how can you be so mean to them?"

It happened this way. There are three unlicensed moving workers who successfully cheated us to believe they are Qiangsheng Moving (a good moving company), and scratched the most expensive table we had in our home. Then they pour some oil onto the table trying to fix it, but only turned the surface to a complete mass. They believed as long as they didn't do it intentionally, there is nothing wrong with what they did. I insist that they should pay for the damage. They laughed at me, and they insulted me for being stupid, and they even joked: “What a million dollar table you have! Why not tell me that the table worth 1 billion dollar!” It is the attitude they show that drove me crazy, exactly as the mason and security guard example. Obviously, they don't buy in my ideology of a world of justice.

When I insisted to fight with them, Wendy said this to me: “How can you justify your table to worth one week of their hard work! Do you really feel good when they give you the money that they earn with hard work?” Unfortunately, I felt Wendy is right. We paid the full amount of the money they blackmailed (jumped from initial 168 to 700 RMB finally) in a mixed mood. It is the environment that forced them to do bad things. They are living harder lives than we do. Wendy helped me to stay humble and grateful to this world, and don’t be the King of the Universe.

I painfully realized the facts that I am stuck here. I never really thought about it, but I have to admit that I am treated as the "Rich People", and according to what I did - so arrogant, and so self-centered, I am fully qualified to the "bad" rich people in novels I read when I was younger.

I had the conversation with Robert Mao many years ago. He was shocked when he returned to his hometown. He naturally stick to the habit to say "rich people are always bad", as the propaganda in China educated people for half centaury, but only to find out that he himself became the rich people that his villages hated. Again, unfortunately, he IS the rich guy in his village.

When I think about it, I cannot justify the big gap between the rich and the poor. If you ask me, I won't treat myself as rich people. I am just an IT professional turned entry-level entrepreneur in the last 10 years, but what I see myself does not matter. I found myself cannot justify why a cup of my favorite Starbucks worth about 3 hours of hard work of an Ayi, or several day of work for a servant in the city of Luoyang, or even worth, monthly income of people in my hometown. Again, should I feel guilty about it?

When I was poorer than today, I behaved differently from the person I am today. People who have less money don't care about service quality as people who have more money, and they are the people delivering the service. How you justify your high standard for them to provide good service without giving them the money they should earn. (It is the market price issue. Overpay than the fair market value does not solve the problem, just like donating does not solve poverty issues)

The gap between the rich and the poor get bigger and bigger in China. The tension between the rich and the poor gets bigger. I feel so bad when I am classified to the rich camp. But is there anything I can argue about it when people really think so?

After painful reflection, I started to adopt another philosophy. I should work harder to build a society with more justice by thinking writing, and then actions, instead of being mean to the people who provide bad service. It is their fault not to provide the service they should (according to my biased standard), but the root cause is not their fault. Why this society does not provide good education, good compensation, and good fare ware for everyone? It is not impossible.
P.S. Please don't be harsh to me when I brought to this private and sensitive topic. Let's address the rich and poor conflicts in China, instead of discussing I am rich or poor - it is relative term. I am conscious that to be able to consume a cup of Starbucks does not qualify me to be on the cover of Fortune magazine.

Happy 44th

2009-08-03T19:48:00.000+08:00

Singapore Lights Timelapse from Weehan Yeo on Vimeo.

sometimes important parties are better than proms, but for this...

2009-07-29T20:27:00.000+08:00

Cheer Ups

2009-07-15T21:46:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you don't know that there's someone around that you can turn to.
Just turn to her!
Specifically you, who might have forgotten this address, don't think that if I don't comment at your blog means I don't care about you. I do, and your last entry worries me to nuts. You cannot be behaving like this before A Levels. Get a grip on yourself. You cannot be treating yourself such and thinking so badly of yourself when you clearly are fulfilling criteria of being a good friend. Even though I am not a proud follower of God like you you should know that God loves you for who you are, and God's love for you extends beyond your failure at your tasks, God loves you so much that he's willing to forgive you at every turn, and God does not place unnecessary burdens of expectations on you that you cannot bear. God can give you expectations and you can give yourself expectations of how you want God to be proud of you, but they are supposed to help you, not to force you up a wall. He is for your dependence, He is there for you, and He will understand for all the effort you have placed in His faith!
If you do get to read this, you should know who you are.
Get a grip!

J. S. Mill

2009-07-11T23:07:00.011+08:00

J. S. Mill's probably remaining famous for his harm principle, but today I'm referring to his positive and negative liberties.
Positive liberty states that the human consists of his rational, intellectual and superior upper self, and his lower self characterized by emotions, drives, desires. Positive liberty believes that all of us should be controlled, such that we are to maximize the potentials of our upper selves while keeping our lower selves in check.
In support of it to a certain extent, on the brink of the concept (because as much as I remember I have forgotten more), I believe that it is entirely impossible for humans to live a life free of desires. Even if he is able to do so, it would seem an uninterested world to live in, because I believe happiness is to a certain extent closely linked to our desires.
Take for example teenagers, who often have desires unchecked. What would life be if we do not live past this stage? If we do not test the waters now such that we can understand the consequences later? Will MJ be better off as an adult if he had a more normal childhood? Would he forget about the surgeries? But that's another matter, relating to power and maturity. But let's say we are not driven by desires to succeed, to be better than others, what would the world be? And there exists the sex drive, not simply something to get people into beds, but an intense and passionate desire for each other, linked to most base yet most fundamental of human existence. What would we be without them?
However, we should neither hinge on extremist attitudes whereby desires are free completely. Instead, it could be a perspective of which we live by our desires, but under the control of a mind framed for the betterment of society. This makes more sense, but it seems at times difficult to achieve.
I believe there exists many instances in our lives when we know what could be considered the best or right choice, but we choose to do things in the other way simply because of our 'emotions', cases when a certain emotional fulfilment (be it a vent or permission of action) takes dominance over critical thinking. This is different from intuition, which might be related to a special form of thought. In retrospect, we do gradually take a rein of these outbursts and control them better as we grow older, but each of us to different extents and at different times. Interestingly, this can be exercabated into consequences of how successful we become in life. How our control ourselves lead us to better things, but this is another debate, of whether success is proportional to control.
However, it is undeniable that we cannot live in such neat controls of ourselves forever. Simply because we are created to be faulted. Adults can burst like sudden volcanoes, because of pent up frustrations for so long; emotions kept under too tight a lid could erupt into disorders, like split personalities that take up different fronts because the individual could not take it as a single personality. In other words, we all depend upon positive liberty to a certain extent to keep us functioning, because none of us can be an emotional saint.
The only possibility for us as humans, perhpas then, is a lifelong and persevering pursuit of the higher order, something like the tip of Maslow's pyramid of hierachy of needs, where self actualisation meets lack of prejudices, when we have the 4 other hierachies safely intact. And at our age, we still have a long way to go.

So as an apology to you, and to myself, I am sorry be sometimes just behaving in a certain way, because I have not placed your and my own best of interest as my foremost principle, but I will try, and continue trying.

Population Growth

2009-07-06T20:03:00.003+08:00

Just read something about population growth. The authors believe that the world's not going towards a population crisis because our resources will eventually be insufficient for all of us humans out there, but rather that the human population's going to be unable to replace itself sufficiently judging from current rates in the developed world, especially if the developing world is to follow suit, which seems to instead be an area of concern.
My areas of concern are:
- Why would people believe that the developing world will start following the case of the developed world in the short term in the first place? Judging from the amount of help given, the concept of birth control has not even reached half of their population to any effect?
- Let's assume that the developed world is concerned about their declining population, won't inadequate aid (or some would argue the lack of steps towards real self-sufficiency in the developing world) mean that in the next decades or so the population of developing nations will develop at a rate much surpassing that of the developed? As much as this is a slippery slope argument, if you believe in Darwinism this also means that the developing nation would be breeding from a much less selective set of genes as of the developed world, doesn't this also mean the world population will be a less intelligent/less superior breed? If the developed world actually want their population to continue being as 'national/world leaders', shouldn't they attempt to provide these leaders with enough manpower in the first place? Or are they all so receptive of those from the developing world going over to horde their resources? I do know that policies can only be short termed and hence ignore certain facts often because a government can only be there for a limited time period, but I doubt many of them are thinking hard enough for them to be qualified to stand there.
- Why should we worry about us unable to replace ourselves so feverently? Indeed to many developed countries it's about the lost manpower and the lost output, and ageing population blah blah blah. But honestly, won't the world possibly become a better place without hordes of people on it? Especially when we are so detrimental to the environment?
All of these probably sound rather naive but yeah.

Sometimes those closest to you annoys you the most.

Take Care of Yourselves

2009-07-05T12:21:00.002+08:00

My worst night as a doctor was during my residency. I was working the pediatric ICU and admitted a young teenager who had tried to kill herself. Well, she didn’t really try to kill herself; she took a handful of Tylenol (acetaminophen) because some other girls had teased her.

On that night I watched as she went from a frightened girl who carried on a conversation, through agitation and into coma, and finally to death by morning. We did everything we could to keep her alive, but without a liver there is no chance of survival.

Over ten years later, I was called to the emergency room for a girl who was nauseated and a little confused, with elevated liver tests. I told the ER doctor to check an acetaminophen level and, sadly, it was elevated. She too had taken a handful of acetaminophen at an earlier time. She too was lucid and scared at the start of the evening. The last I saw of her was on the next day before she was sent to a specialty hospital for a liver transplant. I got the call later that next day with the bad news: she died.

The saddest thing about both of these kids is that they both thought they were safe. The handful of pills was a gesture, not meant to harm themselves. They were like most people; they didn’t know that this medication that is ubiquitous and reportedly safe can be so deadly. But when they finally learned this, it was too late. They are both dead. Suicides? Technically, but not in reality.

For these children the problem was that symptoms of toxicity may not show up until it is too late. People often get nausea and vomiting with acute overdose, but if the treatment isn’t initiated within 8-10 hours, the risk of going to liver failure is high. Once enough time passes, it is rare that the person can be cured without liver transplant.

抉择

2009-06-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

独特的成功、胜利、人生。

Wise Words from the Emoness of the World

2009-06-19T21:19:00.003+08:00

sometimes the hardest thing to do is not to tell yourself to forget him and walk away.
it is to see him everyday and act as if you hope nothing will happen.

sometimes the most difficult thing is not to sit there and stare at the pages.
it is to think about them.

sometimes when you truly want to start letting go.
you realise you've forgotten how.

Moods of Colours

2009-06-11T20:06:00.010+08:00

Life can be depressing sometimes.
I fell in love!
*gasp*
With "Into the West" all over again.

It's just too motivating.
Makes people who are slightly emo cry immediately. Makes people who are not emo turn emo instantaneously.

Btw my friend has sort of gone mad today. This is the agreement reached between 3 vastly differently perspectived people. So it must be true.
Okay fine you spot the fallacies.

Fallacies are everywhere. Sometimes the closer the proximity, the further the space of the heart. That's something the 2 years are enduring to tell me. Like stars! The people who are closest to you might have mental places so far apart you have to travel galaxies to try talking to them. And in the end the closest two celestial bodies can find is an explosion of black hole, leaving everything further than ever. No more tries. We fear. Sadly.
Loved Wushu chalet to nuts. Should have brought a change of clothes and grounded myself at Aranda instead of dragging myself back. But then again obligation calls. I think my heart won't ever be at ease if I didn't come back, what with mom back to her condition and all. I used to think I'm such a heartless cad and couldn't feel less if I lost one of my parents, but it all goes to show how naive I was then, because up till then I really didn't have any real danger of losing any of them.
Not saying that there's a much higher probability of that happening now.
But you get the idea.
Back to Wushu, I just want to spend time with all of you again. Please let all of be able to make it for the end of year chalet. Please! Love so many of you to nuts. All the madness, the mayhem, and for just accepting me for who I am. Thanks for standing by me during all those anguishing eternities. Here's a strings of reasons to remember chalet: monsters-eye power-beer stained barbeques-playgrounds-jiaolian's *cough cough*-All hail Gandi-stools. Hahah. We know what you don't know.
As I've told someone. June hol's a polarised world. I want to play and slack off to the height of Himalayas and beyond, but I also want to mug my socks off into the underworld. If you are a member of the j2s-who-have-common-tests-after-june-hols family you should know:D

You made my day(:

Friday Nights Don't Die

2009-06-06T13:40:00.002+08:00

It's official. Once I grow up, there are certain major things I need to make sure to happen:
- No working on Friday nights. Ever. It feels immensely horrendously sad to do so when you know there are so many movies and fun out there. I prefer Friday night madness to Saturday ones cause Saturday's too polluted by Monday, plus the fact that you feel this immense pleasure when you're actually doing constructive things on Saturday night:D WENYU AND JESSIE!!!
- It will be momentous for me to get drunk for once in my life, after A Levels. Goodness I need to know how it feels like. With the right company no doubt
- Rome and the Vatican!
- I'm gonna ground myself to a whole entire day of reading that can start from anytime before 6am all the way till 12am. Which means I'd need to find a pretty good book to stick through
- I need to exercise rawrrr. It's weird since I seemed to have grown thinner after a week of not exercising, but heck I need to exercise anyway.
Okay back to work.
P/S: I reckoned trailers are more viewable than poster pictures that don't appear on some ppl's browsers.

A Great Month Nonetheless

2009-05-31T10:45:00.004+08:00

I figured that if I don't write something here in time this place'll just crumble away in disarray and despair.
There's so many things that happened in the past weeks that I could talk about, but just as how time flies, it's relatively hard to work myself back to all those emotions. It's a strange thing how we easily transport what we have experienced into the history of our minds, so much so that when we want to find them again it can be so difficult to relive the moments(:
First things first, Rugby finals. It is definitely one of the best matches of the season, with both of the sides fighting relentlessly for the most of it. Being the first rugby match that I've watched from start to finish, it taught me much about how the game is about, how every single ball seemed to be a matter of brotherhood and comradeship. As compared to its Apartheid origins, the glorified sportsmanship involved has definitely come a long way. The school erupted into complete chaos at the end of it. Just like how it did 2 years ago, everyone rushed forth into the center of the field, it felt like one of those moments, when you stood on the moist grass with such a fragrant smell, that you could remember forever. I could only identify 3 of the 4 ruggers that I know, but all of them played fantastically well! Especially Nabhan our dear classmate! His girlfriend must be supremely proud of him, because 6i definitely is!
Art Club handover, in comparison, was a relatively silent affair, what with half of the club away with compulsory match support. Sadly, I must admit that I didn't bond myself to the CCA. It is indeed one of those places you can learn much from, but it didn't render me any sense of belonging to the beginning of it. The handover session, however, was relatively touching, because it went to show how we can appreciate the little things that accumulated over the one and a half year. On the other hand, I still have absolutely no idea why the juniors decided to give each us a tub of shampoo, but i guess it's the thought that matters:D
As the days moved on, GP CT was here in no time. Discouragingly, all the essays I wrote every week didn't help with my actual performance on the day itself. But let's stay positive, because I know that things will get better and better as the year progresses. Though that fateful Wednesday started off on such a solemn note, the movie afterwards' definitely something else all together. As soon as GP ended, it was a hectic rush for Jessie and me to catch Angels and Demons! I think the fact that I didn't read the book beforehand was a great help when I watched the show, simply because I didn't know all the twists in the plot! Great hurrays to the production team to bringing the whole story onto the screen without losing touch with those who haven't read the book. Other than the intensely gorgeous scenary of Rome, and how the camera ages were a marvel on their own, I must commend on Hans Zimmer for bringing out another melodious set of scores that fit the film almost perfectly! Not to forget the pretty boys Ewan McGregor and Thure Lindhart:P Just as how Jessie remarked at the end of the day, I haven't watched such a great film in ages!
So here's the end of May. With R Project to top it off. Yina's right in stating that the rest of it 5 months or so should be a hermit time. So come studies, away with all the distractions. March forth! For the A Levels!

LOL

2009-05-24T19:20:00.002+08:00

It is titled "Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery"

:D

Coming Back in a Circle

2009-05-10T11:32:00.002+08:00

Was sitting in front of my desk the other day and noticed a faint glint of silver between the sliding compartments of the two componenets. And with some gentle propping my metallic ruler finally saw the light of days again!
Wasted the most of the entire yesterday sleeping on the sofa. Which got me a neck pain. Which prompted me to go get a better sleep on my bed, and the cycle eventually ate up the whole entire day. Depressing):
Slowly getting back to academic life now. No more undone tutorials, no more hardly prepared for tests. As I've told people, I can mug even harder than da Chan! Hahhah, though I think it'll be forever incomparable to da Kwan's standard. That one's like don't sleep just mug and train oneO.O
GP's annoying me immensel, and I swear never to let that affect me again in the future. Come on, I should be good at writing. So more pracitses to go!
It's horrific that I can spend whole entire paragraphs talking about my mugging life. But it's comforting in another sense because it means I'm sort of getting a little of the hunger for studies that Dad mentioned. I've decided that I should mention one film that I love each time I post, so today's one's When Harry Met Sally(:

Worried

2009-05-02T23:08:00.002+08:00

Trying not to be a pessimist and panicking mess here, but I would really really hope that all friends and family out there that I care about would be well. And it's a surprisingly long list of people that I would rather hope dearly to stay alive in the increasing aggravation of the crisis.
Jessica please please get well from you cough): It's turning really worrying.
Please let everyone I'm wishing for stay safe and happy!

As the days go by...

2009-04-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

Sort of in the habit of losing things. Lost a pen, followed by a pencil, and now even my precious metal ruler that my dad gave me in Sec. 3. Don't really like my stuff getting lost): I have a certain attachment to all of them.
Sighhh.
And then life's as usual nowadays. The house's starting to smell like how it felt like when we first moved in. Probably cause of the soap. Love that familiarity. And I wonder if it means things are going back to a certain spine of that spiral of time.
Missing the motivation sometimes when I think that both Wushu and Red Dot's gone from my life, but I'm picking it slowly back with my dear class. The class relations are less chaotic this year, or rather I'd given up on thinking of certain things in fluid terms. What has been formed will stay there, what I want to do will need time, and everything will slowly build up.
I believe in the fate of events making things easier. Or harder per se.
People are madly in love everywhere. School's filled with rumours. Feverish desires never go passe. And it seems so hard to refrain from imagining tasting how delicious it can be. But then we live in a mass of people, many who together with us have chosen a certain path. I'd pay my share to stay part of that, because endurance and perseverance works out in magical ways.
I long for things to happen, like dramaticised flickering of a silent film. But blankness is perhaps the best, because sometimes days are much more enjoyed as such.

HA

2009-04-26T16:45:00.004+08:00

And then.
It was the end of another big big week.

RE(a)D DOT STORIES 2009. The seven month long baby is finally finished! www.readdotstories.blogspot.com!
What to say. The 2 weeks leading to it is pure madness at the least. There's hectic meetings, hectic phone calls, hectic buying sprees, and generally a lot a lot of smses, a lot a lot of money spent, a lot a lot of late nights.
Now my eye bags are really the size of pandas!=.=
Sad to say the sense of gratification's not here yet. This not this OMG it's over liberation, neither is there this OMG it's over satisfaction. On the other hand, the sense of losing something along the way's probably more well anticipated, and more well handled cause of the end of the Raffles 4th Batch Wushu era.
Wenyu and I'd probably get a bit more sleep. And the other 14 of them'll probably feel better without all the late night MSNs, calls and smses too. Honestly, I've gotta thank all 15 of you for making this turn into a reality. It's definitely not what I imagined at the start, but it is something that made a similar and sound impact: We've planted a seed in them, about the magical creatures of Singapore. And now we'd only have to wait. To wait for RDS Inc to materialize.

The opening ceremony was GREAT. Marvelous performance by the cast and Tat Chern and Moi hahhahah. Smooth delivery by the narrator Wenyu, and really cooperative kids. It started to turn more messy, and I must say the closing was not really up to my expectations. Too bad, my fault. But there's a lot to be learnt from that, and goodness I'd make it a hell lot better the next time. Mr. Chan says that my best point is not in organisation, but in hyping the atmosphere up and inspiring people. I wonder(:

And from now, with less than 200 days to A Levels. It is time to focus. And I will. Mug hard.

I Wonder

2009-04-18T23:11:00.000+08:00

SAY 'martial arts', and you'll think of masked swordsmen fighting each other.

But even the stuff of heroes is not free from controversy.
In the local wushu scene, biased judging has been a common complaint.
This year is an exception, though.
Observers say that the judging in the still on-going National Inter-school Wushu Championships appears fairer than previous years.
Perhaps, the introduction of video recordings has helped.
Said a parent of a former national youth team athlete: '(Head judges) used to gather judges just to give their own students more points, and dock points from others.'
This parent, who declined to be named, added that they did it in a conspicuous way.
'Deductions of points are never explained satisfactorily. Every year it's the same judges. Sometimes at the same court four out of five judges are related to each other.'
Said Mr Wang, a wushu instructor: 'The problem is that there's nothing stopping judges from judging their own students or even their own children.'
As in the badminton controversy (see report on Page 4), parents of wushu athletes are concerned about the values their children are picking up.
Said Mrs Li, 45, a parent: 'Can you imagine how the students feel? All those hours spent training for nothing.'
She cited her son, who had been in contention for a spot on the national youth squad, as an example. He has lost interest in competing.
Biased?
Are the judges really biased?
Mr Daniel Kaw, 37, a wushu coach and former judge, noted that other factors might have contributed to this impression of unfair judging.
Some judges in last year's inter-schools, he said, were relatively inexperienced.
The New Paper understands that controversial events include last year's primary school taijquan and 4-duan straight sword events.
In response, Singapore Wushu Federation's Secretary, Mr Ng Kim Foo noted that if parents wanted to complain, there are established channels for feedback.
Said Mr Ng: 'It's true that last year some judges are relatively new, but they'll improve with time.'
Mr Ong Chee Wee, wushu adviser for MOE's Co-Curricular Activities Branch, said that if there are any doubts about deductions, schools can consult the organising committee.
The national conveners declined to comment.
For the first time, the Wushu Federation is filming the competition this year. Schools that wish to appeal can refer to the footage.
Now, the question of bias will always be contentious.
Judging in wushu, as in other aesthetic sports like gymnastics or ice-skating, can be subjective.
But parents and coaches are both sure of one thing. More transparency and better organisation can only benefit everyone.
-- Han Yongming, newsroom intern

Culture, the Lack Thereof, and the Existence Hereafter

2009-04-18T16:51:00.003+08:00

If you ever want to work in the cultural/heritage sector of Singapore, I would strongly suggest that you get to know this person:
Phan Ming Yen from the Arts House and Old Parliament House Limited.
The school had the luck to invite him over for a talk about the arts and cultures of Singapore. And he started his presentation with a phrase from the acclaimed novel The English Patient:

We're the real countries, not the boundaries drawn on maps with the names of powerful men. I know you'll come and carry me out into the Palace of Winds. That's what I've wanted: to walk in such a place with you, with friends, on the earth without maps.

The talk was mostly structured around what the Arts House does, but it was also a talk about the arts and cultural scene of Singapore.
The arts, I learnt, is not simply a medium of expression, a voice of expression. It is meant to transcend borders, to bring together the commonness of humanity, and in such a unifying act bring together the conscience of, no matter how vastly different, a world based community. My counterargument, on the other hand, was that the arts was meant to highlight what made us truly unique. The arts is meant to give us identities, like the grotesque and ironic beauty of the Eiffel Towers, like a play of the Butterfly Lovers.
Yet Mr. Phan asked: What is art and culture in the first place? What could ever be constituted as unique?
I was concerned for years about how Singapore lacks its own culture, and I believe many of us do. The government tries hard at times, not so hard at other times. We try to, many times, but the end always seems similar. Look at the national dress one of our designers suggested 1/2 years ago, and it was a fusion of a Malay and Chinese traditional costume. Look at the very Singapore food flavours, and they stop short at delicacies originated in other nations. I wondered, whether there will truly be day, when we have something that is really, originated in Singapore.
Then Mr. Phan asked, so what makes those other cultures truly unique then? St Petersburg, for example, was a Russian creation by Peter the Great. But it was a living replica of Venice, because he wanted to show that Russia was westernised. Such cases exist in numerous quanitites. The Statue of Liberty came from France, Qing palace paintings incorporated Western techniques, discoveries worldwide (Both old and new) could be founded completely independently by different individuals, even Calculus cannot be spared.
So why worry about the Singapore culture? In such a respect, it's been thriving since it's existence. It was a place for all sorts of things to come together since the dawn of time. Javanese Rajas and Chinese junks, banana ghosts and notorious pirates, British settlers and Asian spices, it goes without exhaustion.
And in that same respect, Singapore is learning how to extend it further. It is learning to invite others over, create something belonging to Singapore, and then send them off again. It is seeking its own talents to circulate the globe, and hopefully come back with all sorts of markes left from a million places. That is Singapore, isn't it? We fret and worry over its lack thereof, but maybe, just maybe, we could sit back and relax while it weaves itself in front of our eyes, and in a hundred years, it might just turn in the tapestry we've long been looking for.
Just wait(:

Happy Birthday You Idiot!

2009-04-17T22:38:00.001+08:00

Just for Laughs

2009-04-11T10:23:00.000+08:00

。

2009-04-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

借酒消愁愁更愁。

吃饭吃到吐了/写歌写到疯了

最终。
还是要站起来。
若无其事的站起来。
更加坚强，更加厉害的站起来。

面对。

Bloody Things:D

2009-03-29T18:20:00.002+08:00

From http://weburbanist.com/2009/03/24/bloody-brilliant-10-blood-themed-design-ideas/

They are all supposedly functional:D

Regrettable

2009-03-27T22:23:00.002+08:00

The acclaimed and distressing common test one is finally over. It could be considered as one of the worse tests, but the worse it is, the more it indicates the extent of work and effort required. As classmates have stated today, it is always better to make the mistakes now than during A levels!
Lessons about time management, lessons about sleeping allocations, lessons about mugging strategies, precious lessons indeed!(:
Went out for lunch and shopping with the class after physics. Finally bought a vest! After the Chinatown people's park fashion discovery with mom a few weeks back, the Bugis street one's not bad either(: More eccentric stuff to my closet hohoho.
Red Cliff Part II is da bomb! One of the films that manages to combine humour with dark materials in a really positive manner. If you've watched the film, you should know what I mean. There were those that complained that part II was a bit too hinged onto the upcoming war, in relation to the LOTR series, but I found the flow absolutely marvelous. Other than the thoughtful plot details, it is also the cutting that pleased me immensely. The development of the parallel plots are so closely hinged to each other through the scene cuttings, especially the parts when the two sides of the river seem almost to echo each other, is a feat indeed. It is actually harder than it seems, making sure enough information is conveyed in each snippet while not over informing the audience. The twists in the plot are great too, and the foreshadowing is subtle yet meaningful. All in all, an absolutely wonderful film in the same, if not better position, as grand works like Saving Private Ryan(:
Arh. *Goes back to rewatching the film*

Movies

2009-03-18T14:43:00.000+08:00

Watch 女人不坏 by 徐克
Very interesting!

NAPFA (Completed)

2009-03-06T22:09:00.003+08:00

Standing Broad Jump 2.02
Sit and Reach 56
Incline Pull Ups 25
Shuttle Run 10.3
Sit ups 40
2.4 12.50

Colours

2009-03-01T12:50:00.004+08:00

And so it was the conclusion of another wonderfully horrendous/horrendously wonderful week:
- Coach is becoming more and more playful by the day:
I: He successfully demonstrated his height by helping us open one of the hall door hinges (That I can't reach), after which he proudly said, "这种事情需要weijian吗，我就可以了。" We approximate his height at the lower end of 17sth, but please don't think you can mess with this hunk. We further approximate that there's not a single stash of flesh on his body that is not a muscle.
II: He observed the tangential motion of my slipper as it flew off my foot while I doing a cartwheel without proper shoes, and proceeded to make it into a soccer session
- Art Club = AMC
The incident arose because our dear Art Club session coincided with the famed and acclaimed AMC competition, and to the horror/amusement of slackers who decided once in my JC life is enough, approximately the whole entire of Art Club failed to turn up because of it. In fact, the first hour of sculpture was spent with only a singular another person.
- Hot-Kid Milk Beverage
My dad suddenly has this fad about Hot-Kid Milk Beverage (aka 旺仔牛奶), it's a brand of milk, that, from 17 years of milk drinking experience, could be rated in one of the top 3s in terms of the orginal milk taste. The extent of his fascination has currently extended to 2 whole cardboard boxes full of cans. As opposed to his previous fervid inclinition towards the xBox 360 (Which I refused on grounds of mugging), this hobby of his is much supported by me.
And I recommend anyone who hasn't drank it to try it. It's red in colour and has a spastic face of a hyper kid staring at you with a heart shaped tongue which should be pretty distinguishible.
- The sleeping sydrome
Just a few weeks of JC life has made Yajie master the wonderful technique of sleeping any situation as long as there's something to lie on. This is not yet the apex of this technique, which would require the loss of consciousness to be able to happen while standing (and which, is masterfully demonstrated everyday by my classmate Jun Wen). But for the present situation, my level of mastery should be enoughXD
- Never ever quarrel with a KI learner
Not much elaboration. He will start arguing with you about first the premise of the argument, then use elimination techniques that would involve side arguments about the purpose of the argument, coupled with an undying thirst of continual persistance in finding you to argue about it, until you admit defeat. Of course, individuals may differ in their techniques, but the lesson is the same.
My goodness.
- My friend's ardent admirer
It is an amusing situation, especially when the admirer in question is constantly tortured by me for being too ardent (or just for the fun of it).
Of course, we suspect he is kidding.
- My captain pwns guys
Other than the fact that she's a girl, she can jump 2.20m, and can do 3 guy style chin ups. The reason as to why she is the captain is hence clear as crystal.
- The J1s this year don't have a life
They come back on sundays to mug in the school. Like honestly, what can you mug now other than the ppc, significant figures and the mole constant?

Sometimes

2009-02-25T19:44:00.002+08:00

It can hurt like hell.
But I have to go on.

No disappointments for him. Ever.

everything and nothing

2009-02-20T23:05:00.003+08:00

i may be talking about everything, or i may just be talking about nothing at all.
not shocked and surprised. concern and lack thereof. it was one of those most cliche of moments, but never failed to make a thud impact. thud.
it was part of a collective and known truth, yet it was never just a part of things that we should belong to. it will not be something i would love to belong to, but to almost everyone out there. it has happened, whether in sense or in reality.
it was the relative ease that came along with it. it was the expression, the delivery, it was the comparative understanding. it was a case when the truth and expectations entwined, then sharply separated. not that it was a rare thing, but just the sudden lack of conviction. traces of inference slowly piece together, like the endings of an agatha christie novel, or good mysteries in general.
yet it could never be blamed on another, for it is the humanity in us that should be scorned. it might be human nature, yet it might just be banned from the system, it goes down the annals of history, but was never part of the constructed mainstream.
it was the reaction, or lack thereof. it was the discovery of principles, or lack thereof. it is superficial, it was about how certain sensory blatantly functioned, it was how links were made directly. it was uncontrollable, because it would inundate even fiercer when controlled. it is about how judgment fails, it is about how it is built on layers and layers of supposition, suggestion and opinionated separation. we are engineered to fill in the blanks. perhaps too courageously.

left to the world of our own.

left to the wild wills of our own.

chaos. caused by laws of nature...

Happy VDay!

2009-02-14T15:44:00.002+08:00

- Vows to celebrate 11.11.2009 as hard as I can.
- Realised that certain people I gave roses to last year probably don't deserve it
- Believed to have wasted one of my dear chocolates
- Found out very very interesting facts about two boys
- The guy juniors from Wushu and Art Club are really cute! The Art Club bunch wants to all get emo haircut and Converse shoes to fit into the "art guy" look
- Just finished my history term essay. And probably the one I spent the most efforts on. Hoping for good marks>.<
- Realised my notebook present to Quah actually looks dann ugly and vowed to look for better designs or self create ones next time (After all I can create books why not notebooks! Laugh evilly)
- Is shocked that a senior and his cousins have a private yarcht - Some people are just too rich for my imagination
- Confused why 镇江香醋 wants to have a french translation of its name on its label
- Probably shares the sentiments of someone: Wants to forget my sentiments to someone, DANN BADLY.
- Is contemplating having a career as a private events organiser, but is not too sure whether such a diploma exists
- Wants more members in WYBBC. Currently there's 2 other members
- According to coach, needs to reborn my hair for competition-_-lll
- Wants my leg to heal like NOW, so that I can continue training well!
- Wants to defeat the medal winner for my routine hohoho. _ _ watch out!
- Will train my stamina like mad for routine!
- Knows need to start mugging for CTs soon.
- But is still slacking and playing room escape games.
>.<

Some Happiness Involved

2009-02-06T22:03:00.002+08:00

The past week's mad, and I'm promised that it's gonna continue the trend before I finally hit the pillows on the dear Sunday night.
Take 5 had its promises to be an event to live up to, and *drum rolls* it's great!
(Okay this is super random but: I dunno who's the one that drew the Take 5 mascot this year of the little cute man on with a huge round thingy over his head but it's excitingly cute!)
There's quite some highlights of the day, so here's a list of them, in chronological order!

1. Paul Thern getting dunked!
He didn't look extremely terrified about it, and looked quite gay on the top of the metal plank above the water. All the council high achievers were trying to no avail to dunk him! And the comm had to move the chair forward so many times. But eventually one of the dudes did it. Hhahah. My revenge is settled! As promised I laughed at him mwa hahahha.

2. I dunked Dawn Neo!
It was highly hilarious because I told her I wasn't gonna try to do it, but was excited enough to try eventually. Dawn was rather nervous the whole entire while, but showed a great spirit and sportsmanship above the huge barrel of water! Sarah tried to dunk her too but didn't succeed><><
(Joey's argument that the people getting dunked should be dragged over by 2 muscular dudes rocks, and I think if the school's wild enough to let that happen it'll be great. But of course for safety reasons it's not quite possible la hor.)
Ms Cheryl was dann nice and gave me her chocolate prizes. Thank you!(:

3. Simjoo's Amazing Race Station!
Sjoo and skoh's station's called Shoot the Loop (?), and it's great to spend the morning with her around. We didn't really get to talk as much as we usually do when we meet up cause of all the distractions but it was enjoyable nonetheless! They should give me some sort of encouragement for almost being a co-station master hohoho.
The good part's also cause part of my dear class was stoning there, as we did last year when we have a uber great time max-utilising it for bball. The sad part's that this year I can't really play cause of my leg injury. It's depressing and I should really really get my leg fixed soon. Suddenly I have a thirst for sports eh? That sounds a bit un-Yajie but hahhahah.#

4. The Jai performance!
Weijian and his friends' performance! Even though I couldn't understand a thing of it because it was japanese but it was quite good eh. Weijian had some great guitar playing, though he lost quite a bit of charm cause he kept bending down to adjust some broken wire? The hilarious part was of the dude who was throwing sweets, because he threw his handphone down together with a bunch of them! And all the judges were highly amused by itXD Overall it's great work!

5. Joy, YiQing and ShiHui's playground session!
The 4 of us went to climb the giant web pyramid thingy. And it feels wonderful when your body's agile enough to contain all the pulling and the tugging to get to the top. As opposed to the scary devil's hell of a descend during one of the ALPS days, I find that once again I'm not afraid of heights hurray! Joy and I crazily went to kope the j1 occupied territory of swings, and had a hell of a time oh I do miss swings!>< The whole entire hour made me fell like a kid again!!! Which's marvelantastic!XDDD
6. Part II of playground session with Simjoo!
Hahah after which I went to try out even MORE of the playground stuff with Simjoo. The two of us were mad enough to go for all the spinning thingies and obstacle course heehee, not to mention totally noob (cause it was really short) wall climbing and swings again, when you are kneeling on the seat!

Hhahha there's quite some spontaneous moments at Take5 which I'll miss when more work start piling in, and till then, enjoy more life!
Ohhh my mom says I'm eating too much cold stuff?!): ): But I live to eat! ): ): ): She says that I sneeze so much cause of it dann.

-Mug hard! Die later!

Incoming

2009-02-05T22:27:00.002+08:00

I now nullify a certain friendship because it doesn't keep itself together with only one side of the bargain. No more entertaining you.
Till then.

This is how you play Football

2009-02-02T17:14:00.002+08:00

In Retrospect

2009-02-01T19:28:00.002+08:00

Some events triggered some retrospection today.
Danny was telling me some things,
and suddenly everything started making a lot more sense.
I was so devastated about not becoming one of them, one of those, and this feeling's even more profound as the 11 words that marked a new beginning draws near.
I had a long discussion with my dear 姐姐, and everything started falling into its places.
I've been placing so much emphasis on the labels, the definitions, the categories,
that make each of us so easy. Seemingly, these conditions are supposed to define certain qualities
that are much harder to find.
I guess it might be the sheer fact that our dear nation puts so much emphasis on KPIs, but
I was drawn into that circle, too deep,
too deep for my own good.
There used to be time when I went things just because I'm interested in them, but that desire has metamorphosed,
slowly draining its strength as other, and surprisingly, less important factors (in the matter sense of the word) started
to weigh more and more in my decisions. I suppressed my desires, I controlled them in definitions of what I am supposed to do and what would be good for me,
and look where that has gotten me to.
姐姐说，亚婕，你一定要快乐。
And even though it has always been my philosophy to be happy, it is slowly getting clouded and misled these days.
In the true definitions of what she has been telling me, it is time to reposition myself.
To learn to differentiate
and to appreciate.
After all, from what Danny has been telling me,
certain of these labels are not what they seem.
It is time for me to get away from the prying eyes that I tend to envision to care, because,

amongst the millions out there, there's only so many that are looking in your direction, and amongst that so many,
there's only so little of those that really matter.

And I hope they will stay with me, grow with me, laugh with you.

祝你快乐！

2009-01-25T23:56:00.002+08:00

那是痛苦的一年。
在最后的几个小时里，是在医院和家里间隔度过的。
My first time to call an ambulance. And hopefully my last.
突如其来的一切，isn't something that I can take at one go.
但其实在一切的一切中，我还是非常谢谢老天，让一且的发生都控制在一些范围里，亏好大家那时都在家，亏好马上就能应对。
I always wanted to know it felt like, falling into the unknowns just suddenly. But after watching it truly and really happening, I really hope that it won't happen to anyone I love ever again.
至少，在下一次的时候，我完全知道如何应对。
I was surprisingly logical, surprisingly calm. While he screamed and shook, I stood there by his side, like a moving statue of faith. I think I could start giving him, giving them, their strength now. 但我多么希望那一天不要来临。但显然的，它已经来到。
It's here. Silently, but suddenly. And so suddenly, it seemed as if it was always there.
老爸，妈，你们要好好地活着。真的。所以，在新的一年里，新的接下来的一切之中，健健康康德活着。

Stuck

2009-01-18T22:11:00.003+08:00

Stuck with a Physics superposition question, because it looks so confusing I have idea where's the a and the D and the lunda etc etc.
Starting to feel that the questions are getting tougher and tougher (or maybe I just don't have the patience to stare every one of them down like I did in j1, because I don't have the time anymore.
Gosh. That sounds bad): I'm pretty confident that my intellectual standards haven't slipped down though. Particularly, there wasn't any brain-damaging activities to think of. Unless I accidentally smelled too much invisible horse dune air in Australia?!?
Hahhahah. So my mental health should be pretty alright. Just crossing my fingers that my leg will heal soon. Soon enough for me to train harder than ever for Apr. Soon enough for me to not disappoint coach and garner a medal back for him, for Wushu, and for myself...

I must have faith in myself!

I've had a pleasant surprise today. Though I'm not gonna divulge it. Because it's in such a fragile state that I'm worried that the mere spreading of the news'll backfire it. But I'm really happy that it happened. Because I guess it means a lot to someone, and that it might signify that certain things are finally over.
Gladly.
I tried to revive the class blog. But apparently it's still a lone soul out there because nobody seems to have the time/heart to update it? I was hoping for kind of family bonding here but oh wells, if it doesn't happen there's nothing much I could do about it anyway.
The 1st week of school's pretty hectic for sure. And for some reason I was held up late every single night of it. Really miss my holiday, mainly for the sleeping part of it. If I can have Hermione's time turner, I swear I'd use it for unlimited hours of sleepXD

In the mean time. Back to physics.

Standing Up

2009-01-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

Als die Nazis die Kommunisten holten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Kommunist.
Als sie die Sozialdemokraten einsperrten,
habe ich geschwiegen;
ich war ja kein Sozialdemokrat.
Als sie die Gewerkschafter holten,
habe ich nicht protestiert;
ich war ja kein Gewerkschafter.
Als sie mich holten,
gab es keinen mehr, der protestierte.
-- Pastor Martin Niemölle

Some Declarations

2009-01-15T21:38:00.002+08:00

I suspect that this blog will be pretty dead till after As. So if you actually read it, use your discretion.(:

Thank You for Passing

2009-01-01T10:48:00.002+08:00

Now is the time I could safely say. Thank You for Passing, 2008, it's a remarkably bloody year full of disasters and problems. Thanks a million that you are finally gone.
National and international situations aside, it's the year of learning for me, of how relationships can turn out, how emotions and rationality clashes, how love and hate intertwines, how helpless can manifest itself, and how judgment suddenly seems as fearsome as beliefs.
Despite the setbacks, there's still a group of people that I truly learnt to appreciate and bond with. They stood by me in a variety of ways. They gave me confidence and hope in the bleak forbiddence of come what mays. And I truly want to thank all of you. That gratitude may not come now, but believe me, it is hidden somewhere in our lives, ready to jump to conclusions when the right opportunity strikes.
All the strife won't mean a thing if I do not learn anything from it, so I'm glad to say that I did. Notably, when grandma visited me only a year later, she commented on how my personality has changed. Sometimes we can never go back to the past, but biased as it may be, I do think that my temperaments are down the right path. It may be mould into the best one ever, but it is something that I can grow along and trust in.
The year ahead brims full with things to do, things to expect, and things to work hard for. I have only one resolution, to learn to control myself better, as much in the sense of the positive liberty as J. S. Mill puts it.
Wish me luck(:

Funny Stuff

2008-12-30T12:32:00.001+08:00

Gone

2008-12-29T13:16:00.002+08:00

Grandma and step granddad just took the morning flight back to China, as much as a unrealising, unappreciative and uncomplicating bastard that I am, I don't really feel like I miss them yet. I'd probably start to do so when mom starts to nag incessantly again, when dad becomes less malevolent, and when of course the food gets served again in the house. Step granddad has a fervor and knowledge of cooking that I can't surpass yet, and an unwavering patience that I probably won't cultivate in the near future, so no more Chinese delicacies served up readily in the house, and no more 馒头 in the morning that I love oh so dearly. Back to the grumpy old toasted bread with half melted butter in the morning (when I don't bother to cook properly).
Snugged around and started reading a book mom borrowed, and eventually ended up finishing it in one morning in the airport/on the mrt/on the couch. Missed that feeling for a long long while, I guess as a grow older this kind of quality time's one of the only few joys of the life that doesn't get eroded away so easily(: And I hope to maintain this stance forever!
Still stuck thinking about some solubility ksp question, should probably get back to it soon...

Remembering

2008-12-28T00:27:00.005+08:00

I always wonder, why in certain moments, I would go back to that memory in the early days of Sec. 4, and remember so vividly a person that has no matter whatsoever with my existence.
Perhaps it's just the fact that that person is a stranger, someone that I couldn't care less about, yet at the same time a reassuring presence, because it is a yardstick for me to remember of how much difference I am to that the one who interacted with that person. And whether I've been making the right directions.
I'm always apologetic to that person. I'm sorry.

Oh

2008-12-25T22:07:00.003+08:00

Oh Gosh someone screened his/her blog.
Oh man I won't get to see all the wonderful crafts of English again.
I just can't seem to drop certain things.
Oh No.

Christmas Greetings

2008-12-25T11:31:00.002+08:00

The 2 snail-mailed cards are the highlights of the Christmas season! Thanks so much to Yutian and Danny who posted them. It's one of those tangible things in the messy world of electronics that you could really keep along with you for a long long time. And I think I should do something like that next year(:
Still has no idea how Danny got my mail address. Yutian just asked outright for it hahahah.
But of course this does not mean that the facebook and sms greetings don't worth their salts! They're really nice hahhaha. And it seems like the great time to actually go out to those people you are worried of/didn't have the time to contact again, and it's even more wonderful when they get back at ya! It's just heartwarming(:
So here's wishing everyone out there a Merry Christmas! Enjoy the hols while we can!

On the Durian Tops

2008-12-23T22:20:00.003+08:00

Dinner with the Schoolies!
The early dinner at Ms Clarity wasn't really that extraordinary, but it does feel mighty different from when I was with the class. Schoolies are lovely people, and it's a great surprise to see Amelia at the table! Haven't seen her for really really long hahahha.
Then we went to the Durian Tops to enjoy some fresh air. Esplanade's a great place for a variety of reasons. Other than the cultural and architecture aspects, it's a great place to enjoy the city lights from across the river - A fully lit Fullerton Hotel, a giant wheel moving merrily away, and various sky lights in the distance. That aside, if you lie on the grass (and try to ignore their prickling sensation), you see a great churn of clouds roll by in a variety of suggestive shadows in the crisp and light wind, while magically spotting a few stars in the lost world of Singapore sky lights!
The night of truth or dare was great fun, mostly because we were thinking of the most random, a slight shade romantic, and stupidest of things to do. So there were two pairs of cha cha dancers. I suspect the first was an old couple dancing to some 50 tempo, but the second was a singlehand-led charging bull routine. hahhaha, the contrast is absolutely amusing. there's also the long lost couple meeting on the rooftop routine, unfortunately not rendered as interesting by the shy actresses. But oh wells(:
Eventually things dissipated into a camwhore session, but it was great fun. Zhenjia seems to grow just taller and taller, which unnerves me for a bit since my height remains, sadly, consistent. We had one picture of her almost competitively as high as Xiaoyao, so beware!
To all those not present, you were dearly missed): For whatever reasons known and unknown, please do turn up next time!

U Turns

2008-12-22T09:32:00.002+08:00

Reverts my stance. Because we humans are not engineered to stay emo forever.
Mug hard. Die later.

Alone in a World

2008-12-16T15:30:00.002+08:00

Minutes pass, then hours, then days. And suddenly I realise that all that I have handed over to the deathly silence of time is nothing more than the ugliness of words, and the stupidity of inability. I stand on flat rock, perched in the grassy plains. I hear the sounds of those around me, but they seemed familiarly distant, like the gusts of wind that flows past, it stays by you for the fraction of a second, no matter whether it was welcomed on a hot sweating day, or dismayed on the chilling nights. You learn to enjoy its soft touches on you, you love ot have more of that, yet you are afraid to forget, and aftraid not to forget, lest you thirt for more. And then it gives you a shuddle, because the sting it brings on those cold nights never fade, it erodes into your bones, and you are left wondering, if it could ever move away completely. Completely.
I don't remember easily, because I remember too well, the most faint of smiles, yet the most subtle of disturbances. Tell me things, all those things people mercilessly, yet carelessly throw around. Or perhaps you don't even need to tell, just show, or, for that matter, don't bother to do certain things, and I will remember them in some noose and cranks of my memory, and think about them for hours, and hours, and hours. I immense myself in those moments, unable to pull away completely. I have been soaked in wetness for too long, too long to remember a proper hug, or a proper smile reserved only for me. I wish it would be over soon, soon!
At the end of the day, lives are lived by ourselves, and I see so many of them, fluttering their wings next to me in brilliance, they are happy in a certain sense, they appreciate and learn to love, yet I feel stranded, perched on that rock, still staring into a bellowing silence.
What am I to you? What future can everyone hold?
THe bleakest of silence, please be over, I cannot relive the days, or choose again, but I can choose new things, and ignore everything else.
Too late.

Negligence

2008-11-24T10:43:00.005+08:00

I have let this place barren itself to ruins, and it isn't exactly because I didn't have the luxury of time sometimes.
Class Chalet was more of a curve of fun stuff. To say the truth, the first day or so has been rather boring, and it wasn't really a good choice to go so early with all my mountain-eous pile of workloads that I could have settled better with Wenyu, it was a huge dose of tv, I learnt how to play bridge (finally!), and we were trapped at down town east because wild wild wet was closed.
But the 2nd day night was entirely another story. The middle-of-the-night truth or dare sessions are the pinnacle of fun for most of us! But it was kinda bad that Bin got most of the scares while Kenneth went away with nothing, even though both of them were sleeping upstairs in the same room hahhaha!
I'm getting really worried that the NHB personnel's not picking up my call! We seriously need to meet them asap!
Thursday was a visit to the parliament house, and speech by the speaker of parliament. I feel really guilty that I almost fell asleep on multiple occasions, but I was so tired! After which it was a visit to the supreme courts on Tuesday. By now I don't really feel disgusted in court shoes anymore, but honestly everytime when you finally take them off you realise that you've been subjecting your feet to torture><><
The weekend was the Design My Place at SP, which was interesting in a sense that it got me thinking much more about architecture, and the fact that I didn't get bored meant that it's not that bad a career choice. Commenting on the workshop, however, I believe there's much more room for improvement in terms of structure and time allocations. It was too rushed on a lot of scales and too little time for adequate preparations!
On the other hand, it was an interesting interaction with poly students, and you could really see the divergence of perspectives between us even though we are only one year of education apart. We just have a very different way of doing things, and it was one of the poly guys who kept us going at a proper pace! Eunice, our facil, was marvelous in the sense that she got us thinking (outta the box), and made us really more aware of our surroundings. Cool dudette!
I feel very bad that I didn't go for wushu training, even though I have a valid reason):

More Stuff

2008-11-09T15:38:00.003+08:00

Post OP has been as hectic as the previous week.
OP was surprisingly alright. I'm starting to have the hunch that I wasn't so nervous cause of all the nyf days. (:
After which wenyu and I went meet with Mr. Rama, after which I went off for WUSHU CHALET!
It's not the ultra fun experience, but definitely relaxing to the max!
Walking along pasir ris, shopping near coasta sands, watching old uncles play sepat takraw, talking to ppl, playing pool, watching movies, bbq-ing, sitting in the middle of nowhere, etc etc...
After which I went straight for alps camp, trekked from school at Bishan all the way to summit of bukit timah with 12kg bag. thank chrisfang especially for being a really good leader all the way, and everyone else for sticking tgt and helping each other along! Our 1st camp dinner turned out unexpectedly well, with my non-chaodao porridge hahah!
Sat's highlight was meeting with the re(a)d dotters, cool bunch of ppl hahah. Turns out our meeting at rooftop of esplanade was quite great! Managed to settle quite some stuff, but hmm...
Dinner with Jess Jasmine Cheryl Danny and Shuchin, quite fun bunch heehee. The hilarious part was when we were trying to navigate in the supermarket since cheryl wanted salad dressing. Danny was trying to tell Shuchin to not interfere cause they'll get frustrated dann easily (under the assumption that girls are dann fussy and indecisive), and cheryl was deliberating between french and italian dressing hahahah. Shuchin decided to interject eventually but was dann fail hahahha. As we walked along the counter Jess and I were trying to find the cats cereal we almost bought for wushu chalet, then Danny was all exasperated saying we're only here to buy the dressing!
hahahah.
I foresee loads of fun with this bunch, but must make sure there's results next year to match!
Social Entrepreneurship ftw!!!

Lots to Say

2008-10-31T23:15:00.003+08:00

And probably too little time to cover them.
I just saw myself in the pw video. The video's nice lah, the only problem is I think I look super ridiculous and retarded.
Dann. Next time never agree to be the lead character):
---
Past week or so has been super hectic, with the end of our j1 year (Officially):), the moving of the house, and nyf camp.
I guess right till the last moment when we were sitting outside the civics classroom on the fateful Wed that we were released from our j1 lives, everyone was still so utterly attached to it cause of h3 application and pw stuff. Nobody really had the feeling of finalement that hey this bloody year's finally over, we seemed to be all to busy doing other things, and in the process moving on without the realisation of it.
Depressingly, and interestingly, I have officially moved from Redhill to Commonwealth. Wenyu and I never got around to fulfill the one day of photo shoot around Bukit Merah, probably because we are too busy (*cough* refer to previous paragraph). But I do guarantee my dear dear friends that I'll invite you all over for a sleep over when my bed finally magically appear from some ikea or random furniture store. lol.
I like the new house in the sense that it's bigger, and the family finally has the required 3m distance between the tv and the sofa, and that dad and I made a wonderful collaboration in the kitchen efforts (Come on down to cook here next time ppl!). But I hate the new showering system, which for some reason or another have some hateful vengence against me cause I'm the only person in the whole dann house experiencing random too hot or too cold water treatments interchangably. And I hate it that my new room's so small.
But. Oh wells(:
---
NYF camp was really thought provoking. Key word. It wasn't as fun as I thought it could be. My work group's filled up with the deep thought and philosophical kinda ppl. Just to illustrate, usually normal ppl stop their reflections one hour down the lane, my group can continue on into 1-2 am into the night. Not that it's not a good thing, but I love to sleep@.@
I guess the whole 3 day camp experience did much in further shaping a cynicalism, yet it also showed how diverse, yet at the same time homogeneous, our group of youths could really be, and how there's actually so many who are so vocal about political issues amongst our midst, so intent on making something happen. Then again, it spills off the dark side of certain others too, of how such simple plans could really reveal who are the genuine ppl, and who are just working it up for the sake of it amongst our midst. But I really do appreciate knowing so many new ppl, and changing my perspective about so many misconceptions!
It's unjustifiable to say that I joined nyf purely out of interest. It's a cv thing too, but I guess at the same time while I felt bad as compared to the passionate in our midst, I was also proud that I could contribute towards our group and ideas' growth and really put some hard effort into it as compared to certain others.
But then again, do correct me if I am wrong. I'll be most glad to change my perspective about certain pplXD *cough* paul *cough* In an alternative stance, it's also about how authencity of quality isn't really quantifiable by our grades...
One bunch of ppl I'm really grateful are the exco and facils. They are such a passionate and enthusiatic bunch, spending so much time onto us even though it was never under their obligation, and putting in so much commitment!
There's Jeremy, who's one of the most lovable excos around in a twisted sort of way, and who went back to work in the middle of night even though he "wasted" so much time around us (Driving us down to the prata stall etc) and endured how little sleep.
There's the ever enthusiastic ling, who despite staying up so late bothers to wake up everyone morning at 6am to run!
There's the wonderful wonderful confirm most lovable chew yee, who has a constant look of fatigue written over her face but still bothers to do as much as she can despite so many long nights and tired days!
And of course I saved the two of you for the last. Our terribly fantastic facils, who braved midnight reflections with us, and who could still look refreshed the next morning, who bothers to direct us onto the right routes, yet respecting our own freedoms of expression so dearly. Thank you so much so much Pei Shan and York Teng!
---
ALPS training never fails to teach me sth new each time, and in a certain way tell me that my mental strength's building! Today's session told me much about team spirit, and how when we aspire to help others, we are in a way aspiring otherselves and motivating ourselves on too!
I hope I can forge a strong bond with this bunch, which'll hopefully surpass As>.<
Oh wells, considering that I only had 4 hours of sleep last night, I should go and sleep.
NOW. And you too, if you are reading this lol.

Blood

2008-10-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

Long while since I saw blood during training already, but this' extremely serious.
A boy named Raffles cut himself with his nandao, and I saw his hand and arm full of blood from the wound that ran profusely from his head. It was a 7cm or so cut, and I was worried nuts. We first told him to apply pressure, then washed his wound with water. Fang Ting and I ran to find the nearest clinic, and I rand back to get him. Ronald carried him the whole way there. And luckily he was administered into the room straight away. Raffles was really strong, and I am proud of him. But it really frightened me a bit, and I hope that he could recover soon from his stitches. I just wish that he could be more careful next time!
We rj wushu ppl take pride in the fact that we are so commited towards the sport/art, but in Raffles I see even more. Here's a 14 year old boy that just carried on with training despite a huge wound on his calf (Though not the deep kind, but the surface area is really large!), and here's a boy who could stay strong and clear even when he lost so much blood, and when I am sure he was in immense pain from his wound. He earns my respect.
Though, on a side note, I have no intention whatsoever of following in his footsteps.
Dear boy. Rest well. We want to see you during training when you recover!

The More Loving One

2008-10-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time

---W. H. Auden

Ponders

2008-10-11T22:55:00.001+08:00

It's interesting to note that I like my life nowadays in a weird kind of way, even though I'm staying up late for stuff (Other than the pw part) and kinda getting tired very easily cause of everything.
Hmmm.

Wushu Farewell & Other Stuff

2008-10-10T12:17:00.002+08:00

This week's crazy. I ran 3k walked 2k on tue, had training on wed, and still have to run 7k today!?!
---
Wednesday was Wushu Farewell, and it's kind of interesting to note that right before that I bumped into a surprisingly long list of seniors: Leonard, Yi Ting, Yuan Lu, Lixing, Hwee Leong, Zhi Yang... Hahahah.
Our skit for them was quite fail. Weijian forgot half of the seniors that were supposed to feature in it, and we kinda improvised like crazy, but nonetheless I think it was really fun for the seniors(: especially the WEN DA ren and the stone. forever82 at hotmail.com part hahahha. The games were dann fun, and our group got height advantage got Remus Weijian Tanjian they all. And of course by default we should win cause coach and Yuan Lu were in our team hahaha. Yuan Lu's dann bloodthirsty when playing the catch little chicks game la hahha, then we all were all running like mad after her@.@ I think the senior forfeit thing was dann funny also. Especially seeing Gladys perform the WuBuQuan and Nghi acting out the life of a snail! With an oddly lot amount of celeryXD Lixing was dann gross and dann funny at the same time when he was doing the tomato stunt hahhaha. Despite MrChan's repeated complaint that it's unfair to stuff 10 as compared to girls' 7 tomatoes down his mouth for that part the tomatos epically failed cause we could totally hear him speak clearly hahha.
When it was time to give our batch present, the situation was kinda confusing cause everyone was trying to grab towels, then I search high and low also cannot find You Jia's one made me dann scared. Luckily it turned out in the end it was just lying around at the other side of the mph... Remus' dann mean as usual. Like I apologised on behalf of the j1s about the smudges on the towels, especially his one cause we wrote it first, then he was like oh so I don't mean enough to you la): Bad Remus!
Somehow, I always thought that I had gotten over the fact that the seniors are not around anymore, but farewell just made me kinda sentimental again, about the fact that there won't be anyone helping you with your routine other than jiaolian (Thanks Yuan Lu, You Jia, Hai Dong, Liu Hao and Remus!), about the fact that there won't be anyone making retarded jokes with their routines and stuff (Thanks Lixing and Leonard!), about the fact that we won't feel so protected and guided by the fact that we have our seniors around to ask for advices on all sorts of stuffT.T
*Sobs* I really miss so many of you so much!!! We should have gatherings after As!!!
---
Pw dry run's finally over. I would just say that I didn really do too bad nor too good a job? But hmmm overall considering how we did it in such a short time I think it's not bad! But our group's efficiency could really be improved on? Oh wells. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn get good members like ******* or **** instead of ****** and ****, but then I guess that's just life, cause we'll have to go through such kinda people in life too. I mean if the miserable state of pw's cause I could do better in areas like Wushu I'm all up for it!
---
ALPS training's scary, but the thing I'm most concerned about is that it's eating into my Wushu time. Gra must train better by myself after the hectics of this week! I WILL NOT LET COACH DOWN!!!

The World

2008-10-03T14:19:00.002+08:00

It saddens me sometimes about how this year has turned out, not just individually for my mere self, but to the whole world.
The whole world is suffering because of the credit crunch, the ever increasing prices for everything ranging from newspapers (Zaobao officially became 80cents) to bread (2-3 bucks for a baguette?!) hurts almost everyone, especially the poor. And considering that my familiar isn't really very rich hmmm. People end their droughts from promos with big shopping slaps, I feel guilty even to buy beads to make small accessories cause i know my parents aren't exactly in the best of financial circumstances with the new house to deal with. Sighhh. Sometimes you look at people around you (maybe too close) spending and playing like nobody's business, and then you realise that you can never live that kind of life style. Yet. And there flies by a certain sense of irritation, and perhaps a bit of helplessness...
But then again the world keeps spinning, and bad things doesn seem to stop.
For china alone, it's overwhelmingly tragedious that millions have to endure nature and man made disasters. What with quakes earlier on and baby powder down the road. The repercussions are wide and unnerving, affecting other countries with the massive and ubiquitous flow of China good. To think that I drank the same kinds of milk tested to contain poison just one year ago... The biggest losers somehow always turned out to be the children. As shabbily made schools fell on those still clutching their cheap ball point pens tightly, and a generation of babies growing up with a permanent bodily disorder, especially when most of them come from the rural areas where hospital fees could well mean a whole family's savings.
Elsewhere, many individual deaths are leaving behind marks that wil be remembered for a long time. The fat lady in Hongkong served us with many entertaining nights to remember, though she perhaps never reverberated in our generation as much as our parents'. Heath Ledger probably never received the attention and aclaim that he should have attained if he was still alive, and his death speaks of the fall of a rock in its aspirations to burn into a star.
Then on the home island, more deaths descend the population. NS was considered to have significantly slackened since its first appearance(?), but the shocking addition to the total number of deaths this year from the nation's service leaves us questioning. It tells us of how death could be such a sentimental thing, and how abrupt it leads its footsteps. Death can be such a sentimental thing, it leaves many with regrets, of how a future is torn down from its stitches in the making.
Young deaths are always pitied.
Then there's the case of the 3 Chinese woman. It beckons of a heart so vile, that atrocities could be commited so easily. What happened to our deal societal values? Have we really become a better society? Or are philosophies no longer able to grab hold of our consciousness?

Then again there was the mysterious suicide of that river valley girl.

There used to be a time when dead weighed heavier. When death was for more reason, affection, and perhaps a certain upholding of certain believes. Yet as believes become reality, are we really valuing our lives any longer?

The Aftermath

2008-09-27T18:00:00.003+08:00

Okay fine pun intended, almost everyone hated the Math paper.
Quoth Sihan (Our star classmate who happens to be really good in almost every subject), "I want to cry, to cry so loud" [About Mr. Lu's killer paper]
I guess even though I told myself so many times that I was gonna try to prepare myself so much better for Promos than CTs I didn live up to the promise. Even though I did have a fever, it really doesn't suffice as a good excuse for sleeping 3 days off and slacking a lot during the mugging period... There's a million more exercizes that I could have done, there's definitely so much room for improvement about my time management, etc and etc...
So I guess I won't be so depressed when bad results come along. Learn to be a mature adult and accept my own faults, do a better calculation, learn from my mistakes, and move on!
---
Friday was XiaoYao's birthday. He's finally also entering adulthood. Eighteen years could be quite a short time, but really long in other perspectives. Hope for the best dude!
---
Even though I don't really deserve to celebrate I think I really went all crazy. Slept over at Wenyu's house with Cheryl Kwok hahaha quite fun, devoured 2 movies: A Good Year and Paris Je t'aime. The former is a bit too slow paced but pretty good, though a bit predictable. Guess telling Ridley Scott to handle romance is just kinda weird, but the cinemagraphy is pretty as always by his stands. Love the part where Crowe was snapping the photos, and the scenery of Provence!
Paris Je t'aime means Paris I love you, and is a collection of short snipets of different kinda love in the big city. Some parts are awesome, but some I guess some parts of it were just plain weird. Totally couldn't understand the Chinese quarters one, and it kind of freaked me out about how the French could think of the Chinese... Natalie Portman looks absolutely radiate as usual, but I really couldn agree with what she did to her onscreen boyfriend. I kinda predicted the twist the moment he dropped the phone but hey she shouldn't have meddled with love like that! Liked the Elijah Woods one but it's so Anne Rice eventually with the two vampires drinking off each other that it made it too typical. Another typical one was the Oscar Wilde one, but what really draws me is the backdrop of cementary, if I ever visit Paris again that's one hell of a place I must visit! Appreciate the cowboy one and the mime one a lot, especially the mimes who are really really good mimers! (is there such a word?>.<) Hahah and the little boy with the huge schoolbag's really cute!
---
Saturday's all about sorting out stuff. Spent the whole entire afternoon sorting out a year worth of notes into their files in the correct order, and boy am I proud of myself! For once I didn't procrastinate about this one!XD
Watched 3 movies from morning till afternoon. Must Love Dogs was okay, but it's not really an exciting kinda show, but homey nonetheless. Taxi 1's officially Luc Bessons style, but you could really see that he wasn't as mature in his cutting and editting then, and he hasn't really grasps his best movie magics.
The surprisingly good one's Chi Bi (Or Red Cliff). Wenyu didn really think too highly of it but I find it exceedingly good, especially when compared to the previous few Chinese big productions... The big actors are good as usually, Liang Chao Wei, Zhang Zhen and Hu Jun especially, the let down was Jing Chen Wu cause I guess he wasn't really exceedingly comfortable in that role, and the thumbs up was really the Taiwan model (My my this is really a big surprise)! Hahahah and true to the director's words this film's all about lifting the a certain Chinese spirit, and I like the fact that it was kept within one of the better historical frameworks (both plot and cine sense). And manz the feel of the chinese idiom yi yi di bai is really out from how the generals fight it!
Think it's time to recollect my thoughts now, more stuff to do before school gets back on, and in retrospect I might have blamed certain people unwisely...
Looking back, you could be so surprised about how certain things turn out...

Bon Courage!

2008-09-21T17:06:00.002+08:00

I know I should NOT be blogging now but...
Heck.
Good luck everyone. I know that most of us probably haven't really mastered the syllabus yet, but we could still try to do the best that we can in the next 5 or 6 papers that we are gonna have!
Just like the warming MR post to tell everyone not to mug too hard, I hope everyone remembers to drink a lot of water and get plenty of rest before the big days!!!
Promos only exist in our lives for once for a reason. (:

:/

2008-09-18T20:32:00.002+08:00

Yajie is feeling very drowsy cause of cough medicine><
She just slept off whole entire 2 days cause of fever.
Conclusion: She hates fevers!!!
Bleh:/
And she's starting to think chocolate makes her fall sick easily. So she shall cut down on chocolate intake. Every time that she demolishes a cadbury bar she'll fall sick for some reason. This has happened twice, in the short span of less than 3 months!!!O_O
Yajie is scared that she won't be able to mug properly for promos like that. They are next week, and she's having headaches cause of the fever.
Sighhh. And while she's sleeping she's been thinking about a lot of stuff. Like how class interactions really are, and how she really really love her dear dear wushu mates hahahha (wushu chalet's one of her motivations for mugging hard!) missing jess joy you all alrT_T
Ah she'll go and drink more water...

Bleh:/

2008-09-12T18:55:00.006+08:00

Omg PW WR is finally finally done!
Okay personally i think that my group could definitely have done a better job, but, from all that we've went thru as a trio all i wanna say now's that i really really really do appreciate the amounts of effort each of you put in into our project. i know that this topic isn't really something that sparks a lot of interest but you've put in the extra mile nonetheless. even though some ppl have the tendency to give me midnight calls of insecurity, and that some ppl are always late for meetings, i could sense that you all really wanted a good conclusion on this too, wat with staying in front of that frustrating com in the library from 3 till 8, and getting all hair tearing frustration at xt's house from 10 till 11. love you guys that way. though *cough cough* much could be said about the other person...
i guess i shouldn really be doing this now but muggin for promos. it's in +- one week's time oh blimey! and a lotta ppl's panicking cause we don't think we're given sufficient time (or rather we didn plan sufficient time for ourselves), but oh wells, life's like that, and it'll be over for a while. think POSITIVE everyone, find your siberia (where you can mug for eons without any disturbance/distractions), and drink plenty of fluids!

(the below message is to someone (if he still care to read my blog sometimes, other ppl please do not read it, or else i might take offense. that's why it's white!)
you finally used the word you've been abstaining from speaking on me.
it's not really the first time that you speak this kinda of things in my face. especially in front of a large audience. and every time you've done so i feel hurt.
i know that yesterdasy was largely my fault. i am such a spoiled kid. i insist my own rights over that of others, and i have not been sensitive enough to how you feel towards it. you have your right in not letting me see it, and i'm here to apologise. so i'm sorry.
you have a right to detest me, you have a right to hate me. because what you say makes sense. i am such a rude person. i do speak of others badly with lack of proper regard for others' feelings.
however, i have been trying to change. i've tried to speak less of other ppl, do you know that there are things that happen in class that i am really really unhappy about, but i just keep quiet about it? perhaps i do not try hard enough, but i am trying.
i would consider myself someone who cannot hold her feelings properly inside myself, that's why i blurt out comments like that sometimes. it could also be part of my lack of proper expression skills sometimes, because forgive me, but i might be meaning something else from the way and what i express of it?
but i find your strong abhorence for my very existence very misunderstandable at times. i remember the first time i saw you when school opened. you saw me standing in front of the front door, and immediately proceeded to enter from the back one. i remember many times that you choose to sit somewhere else, because i'm in the vicinity, i see this things very clearly.
because i still used to believe that i could treat you as a friend, i have tried. do you realise that i didn speak to you the whole entire 7 weeks or so after june holidays? did you realise that because i knew you hated my presence so much, i have treated it in such a way that i would always allow another person to sit next to you first most of the time? do you know that i act as if i am really disturbed sometimes and walk away so that it could save you some trouble from expressing all that hatefulness yourself? even though i don't really hate you?
sometimes, i should say, you judge too quickly on a first impression and fix so much on the belief of one opinion you've formed. you formed the opinion that i'm hatable, and you will abide by that. you formed the belief that i am entirely insensitive, and i will forever be insensitive in your eyes no matter wat i choose to do. i predict, that if you have read this paragraph right now, you'd even be thinking wat right does she have in saying all of these against me.
forgive me, but i used to think that there was another side of your interaction with me. there was a time when we were actually on normal speaking terms, when we actually bothered to exchange views and opinions, and when we might have considered each other friends. i remember, that there was a time that i was about to board a plane to another country, and was stoning very badly in an airport, when your sms suddenly arrived at four something in the morning... i rmb i time i could have chided you with amusement and you didn't care.
but all of that is gone now. no more friendships. perhaps in our whole entire lifetimes.
i don't know wat to say about that sometimes. i regret that that short period is gone, and i think it's quite pausible that it will never return again.
lastly, i wish to apologise about your birthday present. that i didn prepare one for you because i was angry with you because of all the quarreling that was happening around that time. i owe you a present, and i will give it to you when the time is right.
i don't hate you, i probably never will.
this is the last piece of honest opinion that i could ever give you, in such a medium, in the hope that by some chance you could actually read this. because i have tried so many times to talk to you about it face to face, but you choose to walk away...
as time goes on, all that would remain after another one year might just be indifference...

interesting things

2008-09-12T18:38:00.000+08:00

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don’t speak often, please post a comment or an email with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad. Comment and I’ll:
1. Tell you why I befriended you.
2. Associate you with something - random, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I’ve always wanted to ask.
6. In return, you must post this in your blog. So that I can do the same for you.

Knowledge

2008-09-05T21:29:00.002+08:00

If knowledge was power. What is the lack of it?
Ever thought, that the lack of knowledge, could be power too?
Or that the misunderstanding of meanings, could be even greater power?
是明是暗……
I'm making a bet here.

Understanding

2008-09-04T12:06:00.002+08:00

无能为力has taken on a whole new meaning.
It's no longer that you don't have any ability to, but just that with your capabilities you still cannot make it happen.
Not bad my chinese didn't degenerate so fast hahaha.

如何看一个人

2008-09-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

看一个国家的人民教育，要看公共厕所。
看一个男人的品位，要看他的袜子。
看一个女人是否养尊处优，要看她的手。
看一个人的气血，要看他的头发。
看一个人的心术，要看他的眼睛。
看一个人的身价，要看他的对手。
看一个人的底牌，要看他身边的好友。
看一个人的性格，要看他的字写得怎样。
看一个人是否快乐，不要看笑容，要看清晨梦醒时他的表情。
看一个人的胸襟，要扛他如何面对失败及被人出卖。
看一个人的胆识，要看他面对死亡时的态度。
看两个人的关系，要看发生意外时，另一方的紧张程度。

7+11

2008-09-01T14:36:00.002+08:00

As I trudged half-running in an effort to reach home before 12 (And I did), it was the conclusive end to my 18th birthday. Wasn’t really welcomed by anyone with burning candles, just the usual frown from my mom because my phone battery ran flat and I was MIA for quite some time. Her voice message earlier on was full of expressions of worry, an indication that the additional year of my life couldn’t really change her perspectives on how she should treat me otherwise. But then again, mothers are mothers, and I’m glad she still loves me so.
I guess I knew from the moment when I flipped through the calendar at the start of the year that this birthday ain’t gonna be as astonishingly wonderful as the last one, simply because it falls on a Sunday, but nevertheless it went out of my expectations eventually, and fitting to the year of events it was full of ups and downs(:
My og totally forgot about it on Friday morning, nobody remembered to utter a word of early happy birthday, but it is from this that I should learn: Never to expect too much from anyone. After all, if someone does remember it it’s really in the good heart of him/her, but never a duty. As friends say, it’s what those closest to your hearts do to you that matters the most. Do not let your emotions get swayed by the slightest of temperaments far away from you. Yingte had the guts to prove me with his screwed up sense of humour, “Don’t worry I forget my own sometimes too”. LOL.
I’m glad that as the day went on it got better and better.
The trip back to RG was thought-provokingly gratifying. It reminded of those times when I didn’t care much about most other things, and that fact that the most important things in life are indeed what you want to achieve out of life. The dear souls at RG haven’t really changed much, albeit maybe a little bit of ageing at work. Mr. Ganesh had a slightly more prominent share of white hair on his forehead, though Mr. Tee still looked as spastic as ever hahahhahaha.
Proceeded on to watch the Dark Knight with Wenyu. It wasn’t really high on my agenda of movies, but it was good. The special effects did not take over the essence of the movie, and the grim and dark feel of it made everything feel real. I was initially worried that the movie would grind down to the most baseness of human nature, but was glad that the director still allowed doses of good heart into it. In retrospect, it didn’t really teach me anything because I already knew, but the fact that I already knew about those facts is chilling nonetheless.
Dear Penny surprised me with sms-es, and came all the way to my house to present me with her gift. Thank you girl! And you Classy too! The pencil’s really cute, so is the bear, and of course the necklace. I immediately wore it the next day!
Saturday was dedicated to the best of my friends, though I confess not every sitting at that table that evening belonged to that category. It was chosen to see fit the dynamics on the whole, and I do apologize that the conversation was kind of split up in the first half of the evening.
The food was normal I guess, I won’t want to revisit that place again though. I’m glad you people had fun, like Simjoo and I suddenly bursting into songs halfway through the conversation, and random jokes provided around that table. Jessie became thinner again, but I guess that is what a dancer might have to go through. Yuteng lost a lot of weight as well, which made Wenyu and I quite jealous. Jensen still looks as uncle and as gangster as ever, and Mr. Chan never fails to wear long socks lol. Kenneth still looks as blur as ever, but he’s a fun presence!
I wanted more fun after the dinner, but it didn’t work out properly. For one it was too late, for two we kept on walking to and fro. Xiao Yao came half way, but I feel quite guilty in the sense that he didn’t enjoy the benefit of the evening.
The lights on Fort Canning were magical, and there’s a special appeal in a bunch of aimless teens striding the darkness on the streets. The night was filled with realizations, and it slowly finally dawned on me of what someone wrote on his blog a year ago. All that would be left in our memories will not be the people, because people move on, and people change. What we leave behind will only ever be memories, memories of a time that we choose to savor, or we choose to regret.
Promises are the strangest of things. Perhaps I’ve not thrown them out at the most appropriate of times, but I’ve tried hard to fulfill every one of which I did. Years ago, I jokingly told someone that I would make a flag for her if she did something, and I did, to her utter surprise. Years later, I told someone that I would give him his birthday present on my birthday in a msn conversation, and I did. Maybe I try so hard to fulfill them because I want to grab hold of a time and a feeling, because I don’t want it to be gone. But life moves on too fast, and the meaning behind promises fade all too quickly…
We stand in a sandstorm, grabbing with nothing but our bare hands.
In certain sense, I’ve moved on too, but I just hate to admit it. There are always possibilities in the air, and in try as I may, I can never live out every one of them. At the end of the day, what we all gain are experiences, and experiences prepare us for more experiences in the future.
The birthday day is filled with laptops and irritating things, because it was totally dedicated to pw. And in a desperate attempt to moan about it, I would just say that one of my group members pisses everyone else pretty well.
But the day didn’t end too badly, pranks are fun, and I played them on a number of people, so when school reopens I’m probably gonna see a number of guilty faces, and laugh my head off.XD

zzz

2008-08-28T20:17:00.003+08:00

sorry this place's a bit abandoned. i won't really label the past week to be drop dead disgustingly tiring but maybe i've just grown used to this kinda things, but yes i'm quite tired from all the hardcore pw...

realised that if you squeeze a handful of people in the same place for more than 4 hours they'll eventually get along rather well with each other
someone owes me $58.85
my bday is coming in like 3 days XD
which essentially means i'm gonna be legal!
hates pw but will be really glad when it's done nicely finally
haven't slept before eleven in AGES
really miss seeing the j2s around school. especially my dear dear seniors like yuanlu leonard remus youjia siqi lixing etc etc
it's great to be crazy and high even when you are dann tired!
have finally graduated from learning how to use the library photocopiers and printer
ppl in the library loves to hog coms nowadays
the script is a nice band!
a lot of familiar songs could be found if you type "grammy nominees"
fate's one interesting, frustrating and wonderful thing all rolled up into one, depending on how you look at it
i've almost slept past the busstop for the first time in my life lol. just... too tired
i can't believe i'm still reading someone's blog after more than one year
i realised i've blamed and thought wrongly about one guy for like one whole term just because he had the same name as someone else, or vice versa, and i tend to judge ppl in ways other than my real understanding of that person
karma happens a lot, like how i got into the lift when someone was outside, and how i had to abandon the lift cause there were too many ppl later in the day only to find the same person is inside this time
suddenly realised i could achieve certain things again
brain is quite overheated
love the class in a really screwed up kinda way
our dear econs tutor loves to make assumptions, fallacies, tend to judge too fast, and can be too insensitive towards others' feelings
tmr is the day i give someone his bday present, if he sees me and says hi to me
if not. too bad
promos are. officially, opening its big blood thirsty mouth!
how important time is in really getting to know a person. at least for me

I will learn how to love life and find happiness in it again.

Five!

2008-08-17T16:55:00.001+08:00

Tapestry08

2008-08-17T16:19:00.005+08:00

Other than the fact that I got separated from the rest of the class, and that Kenneth kinda went happily off with the rest of canoeists without any class spirit by showing any consideration for the sole other person from his class, Tapestry yesterday was quite fun!

Yeah some of the performances were good, some of them were just plain bad, some were absolutely fantastic. Then again Singaporeans are not exactly the best supporting group ever, what with a sizable bunch supporting one of the performances even though the girls in it weren't really singing very well, and not letting the next band sing because they kept on singing song after song; and on the other hand when there were fantastic performances the singer(s) weren't attracting a huge crowd... And then there's one marvelous one who didn't even know which beneficiary she's singing for - "Please support the school pocket money fund..." -__-

Let's just list the best:

O'Clock Senses. Delightful vocals from two guys from the army currently. I suspect that they're from acjc... But yes both of their singing skills are fantastic, and I loved the last song "Greatest Story Ever Told" Oliver James though the dude forgot one line and didn't sing the stretch long tonights in the songXDDD

Then the 39 hcjc dancers rocked the floor steady with their upbeat and vibrant dances. One of those performances in which I really thought the cheering was worth it! And the street dancers' moves were just on a whole new level (Means I can't do some of them). One of them did da ting for goodness sake!

Though I dare say they did kope some moves from their faculty dances. Saw the starting move in athena's faculty dance with the girl held by the guy by the shoulder.

Amanda Tee, one singer with another dude with acompanying beats, had a really great voice too. Amongst the so many that sang "I'm Yours" that day I'll rank her no.1!

The Juggleress and Willie Lee were really good too. I really appreciated the Juggeress' efforts to find out what's the whole event about, and even bothered to write boards about the beneficiary! Her skills are quite imba too, I won't dare to juggle real knives@_@...

Of course, our school's very own Five comprising of wenjun auyong etc were dann dann good. They just rock like crazy hahah. And I suspect they were the only band to start waving at the audiences up there who just accumulated for their performance! Wenjun and another dude's high vocals were superb, and the two guitarists were pro too (especially the one not auyong lol).

Hahha uploading their video onto youtube nowz.

Oh wells, so I guess you gain some and you lose some. If I worked with the class I won't get to see all of them up here! Apparently central's performance was quite screwed up...

Reflechir

2008-08-14T20:51:00.001+08:00

I guess. Despite everything that happened. The most important are the friends that gave me so much support.
Thank you everyone.

What Have I Lost?

2008-08-12T20:47:00.002+08:00

I guess for many people, there is a lot of times when they want something, and a lot of times when they really really want something.
Then there are people like me, who live most of their lives without such strong desires. I seldomly find myself wanting something badly, but once in a while I do, and I want it so badly that I would do almost anything in its aid without the compromising of my moral principles. I would sacrifice almost everything else for it. I would forgo all the trips that were scheduled for that time period. I would forgo any opportunities that fell on those days. I would do many things in its preparation. I would go and memorize the batch song. I would go around trying to find a funny joke to tell, because I was afraid that my spontanity wasn't great enough. I would go to great lengths thinking up how the interview would be like. I would ponder on how I answered for entire days. I would give up so many things for it. And yet I couldn't get it.
I couldn't get it. And I don't even know the reason that they striked me off the list.
Way back. When I first entered this institution. I was in panic mode, because I knew that I was one of those that will takes ages to adjust to new environments. Then there's this group of people. Or rather, 2 very important people, that kept me going and built my faith. Kept me burning and made me feel safe. They inspired me to work on in the unknown and unfamiliarity of it all. And I looked up to them like. I really do. Up till this day, I knew that I could find them if I had any problems.
I wanted to be like them, I wanted to contribute towards the next batch like they did, providing a safe anchor for the next generation, providing the comforts of a safe and sound home in the uncharted zones of collegehood that seemed so confusing, so frustrating. Yet they didn't give me a chance.
Did I not show that I desired such a position so feverently? Did I not show that I was willing enough to contribute all that I could ever muster? Did I not show that I have what it takes to garner that piece of place within their selection?
Some people said that it was a matter of who knew who. It was a matter of whether you knew the right people in council. I knew that I couldn't be one of those people who went around getting to know people just because I wanted something out of them. It's too superficial, and it is too fake. I believe that friendships are forged through chances only held by the fate of the one above all of us, someone who was able to direct our destinies. I believe that you will only get to know a person when specific incidents allowed us to do so. And that, I guess, didn't allow me to know specific people well enough to make them believe I was capable of certain capacities. But capacities are inborne within us, something that you do not deliberately show others for the sake of it, yet it is through this believes that I lost my chance?
Is it my fault that I didn't know a specific group of people well enough? Perhaps it was better for me to walk on the edges of the knives of politics, because that might have gained me something that I feverishly pursued. But what is wrong with sitting in the mellows with friends that you knew were true towards you, friends that you knew you could rely on?
Is it within my character? Is it the fault that the crazy self that I once contained is no longer public to every eye? I've grown tired of spreading the message of elatism, because I know that wasn't me. So is showing a more, perhaps, pessimistic side of myself ever wrong? Because I have stayed more true to my own feelings, and if I ever wanted anyone to get past that happy shell of mine and truly understand me, they might have accept this me.
We are all born with different qualities. Some seems naturally better in certain situations as compared to others. And some cry inside loud why they cannot weave their own threads in certain fabrics that seemed such a flow for others. It all boils down to the environment we grew up in. So it is wrong for me to have grown up in the environment that choose to make me who I am now? Is it because I am me that I can never be on certain positions that I aspire to be? Was it ever anything else but pre-determined twines of fate, deciding omniously who you are ever to become?
So what is it within me that some people in that fretful list in the canteen have better? What is it not within me that some people receiving those words of congratulations contain? Is it for me to learn from them? Is it for me to behave like them? Because if that happens, I will no longer be the true self that I take so much energy to maintain.
An ugly and unpolished self. Perhaps. But nevertheless something truer.

Muggers Unite!

2008-08-11T11:35:00.003+08:00

It's not a good choice to mug with haojiemei no1 aka Jensen.
He'll spend one third of the time conducting some imaginary orchestra, one third trying unsuccessfully to imitate the joker, and the last third playing classical music till you wan to wack him till he dies-_-lll Then I wasted sms when he could just pass the envelopes to people...
Wenyu got affected too hahahah.
Poor Penny lost her wallet again): But luckily this time only ezilink and a bit of cash inside. But you hopeless case la! Must look after your belongings better!
Olympics' really nice to watch, I think my mugging hols really became Olympics watching hols>< Arhhh chem spa tmr!!! Hmmm. Taoli quite sad got 3rd in semi finals but 5th in finals@_@
Realised maybe cause i'm so prone to getting heaty, I shouldn have eaten any oranges/chocolates like nobody's business, contributes to the swollen gum.
Hmmm.
I think, I seriously need to learn how to write right, this isn't going anywhere...
Okay fine trying not to emo here, so maybe that's why everything sounds so discontinuous... Ah so weird the word discontinuous reminds me of limitso_O

I'm surviving on Campbell Soup

2008-08-09T11:55:00.002+08:00

Sighhh... After the many days of torturous pain, went to the dentist ytd to see how.

Apparently, it's cause my upper wisdom tooth's grown properly but the bottom one's not, so the upper one keep on biting on the lower one, causing this piece of gum still on top of the lower tooth to be infected and swollen. Then Wenyu and I came to a conclusion that why didn't it become swollen until now, and we believe it's firstly cause of all the stress and lack of sleep, then the horrid masticationT_T

The dentist suggested removing both the upper and lower teeth @_@, but my mom decided to cut away that piece of irritating gum instead, so now i have this gum hole at the area where the half grown lower tooth's nestled. Hope it'll come out fine or else I'll have to have operation):

So the best advice now's not to chew. And Campbell soup suddenly became a daily necessity. Even though it is nice, it still contains MSG, and eventually you do get tired of eating sth too often...

On the other hand, Beijing Olympics opening ceremony was absolutely fantastic! Yidan and I were marveling over the wushu moves, especially one xuanfengtui converted into a gaitui. Pro!

I love the scholars part the most, where thousands? of men in traditional han dynasty styled costumes were moving around in formation carrying bamboo scrolls.

So here are some photos:

Pain

2008-08-07T22:09:00.003+08:00

I swear I totally totally hate toothaches!
Very pain, cannot eat, cannot talk properly, glum for whole hours><
Dentist told me last time that if I'm stressed and/or didn't sleep enough my wisdom tooth'll be swollen and painful again if it's half way out, and straight on, after not sleeping properly since last thurdays, plus the whole last week of stress (history essay performance etc etc) my tooth aches like crazy now. Plus the stupid pw that made me stay up late nights everyday of this week!
Wenyu and I were discussing how this constitutes towards a forced weight loss programme lol. Talking about looking on the bright side of things, my darling classmates are really nice to me about it! I think most of the ppl I like and know well are like asking me how I'm feeling whenever they see me these days, and that makes me really feel loved! Thank you everyone you rock! Especially 6i girls you ppl make my down days so comforting!!!
(Okay maybe with the exception of one or two ppl who like hmmm walks past me with ice cream in hand and laugh at my misery like the idiot Mr Chan-_-)
I need to sleep more now so good night(:

Feelings

2008-08-03T21:14:00.002+08:00

Past weeks or so has been totally hectic, and when I mean hectic, it's really over the top. This week's seriously mass murder: Hardcore PW, charity concert planning, wushu performance, art club outing, eddie's cake, mrs chan's notebook, crime prevention zero, etc etc. Had to stay up late into the night cause of all sorts of stuff, and I really miss my sleep and my dear dear bed><
Heck I'm gonna blog in list style I know I know lack of frame and coherence but watever.

Realised that a small dosage of chocolate everyday makes me happy(:
Oranges on a frequent basis makes me happy too
Huge doses of chocolate (Like 1/4 of a cadbury standard bar) helps to make me survive late nights, albeit with intensive harm to my body
I have 20 $15 charity concert tickets to sell, but none sold yet!!!:( So people if you have any friends/family/acquitances that are around 40+ and above and wanna watch performances by olddie singers please please contact me@_@
Jia Lian is the coolest of all dudes around!
I want to be better than Yitao): at like organising stuff
People from other schools can be way cooler than Rafflesians, and nicely mannered too, Hahah thanks goes to Ernest and Hong Yi (Is that how I should spell your names?o_O)
I'll really really really miss Mrs Chan as a GP/civics tutorT_T
Need to make use of every moment possible to chiong homework, cause you never know when it's gonna pile up and kill you
I've grown more sensitive and perspective/judgemental about the world around me, in the words of Mr Tee, I'm starting to get aware. Luckily as of today's experience, it is still a good thing
I'm better at controlling myself from certain comments/remarks/actions, and have changed certain tactics in terms of how I should deal with certain situations, however, I'm still as blur as ever
Need to learn how to dress like a girl and behave like a girl one day, conclusion from wushu performance was that I look like some pai kia (When walking)
I broke the curse of injuring myself every session (After taking out the red cloth hanging from my broadsword). The current white one still seems rather peaceful and docile, must be HaiDong's zen vibes hahahah cause it once belonged to him
There's this strange but (apparently) way cooler than s.w.a.t team that collaborates with the Singapore police, and they come from Nepal
Must learn to have an air of cool and collectness whenever you are, cause you never know when you'll end up on stage
When I really concentrate on doing something, I can be totally oblivious to things happening around me, and that includes the white cloth dropping off halfway during performance... internal zen is achievable if you just believe!
Bishan neighbourhood has a lot of people with dogs in flats
People can be really nice, or really bad, when you knock on their door
My Chinese is detiorating quite badly
Math is getting brain-frying
Promos are around the corner
I can finally donate blood next Wed! (If nothing crops up like last time-_-, aka flu)
I have difficulty expressing my own feelings fluently, especially in words
I need to improve on that
Found out Kenneth Kum's family is super rich *shock*
I love all my girl friends! Especially some people that came with me from rgXD
I think I haven wrongfully blamed someone for the whole entire of term 2
Arathi, Dharsh, Ping Fang and Yashan is a fatal combination, it makes your abs hurt like hell
No more time to compose my feelings (aka stoning to collect them back)
Why am I still here typing this graaa must go and do work

So bye!

OH OH! NANCY ZHAO, CHUA MING XIANG early Happy Birthday hahahha! And enjoy your national day hols everyone!

Clocks

2008-07-30T18:55:00.002+08:00

Life is an endless search, you might be happy with what you get, or you might not. Life works in mysterious ways, and once in a while you finally find something that you've been searching for years, or you thought you've lost, yet it suddenly comes back to you, and the gratification amounts. Guess we humans really only treasure things we thought we've lost once upon a time.
In this case it's a song, and I've been searching for it for 5 years.
Enjoy.

Luck

2008-07-27T11:00:00.001+08:00

I cannot believe how lucky my pw group is this weekend!!!
We found the person who inspired the journey on facebook, we wrote messages to her, and SHE REPLIED!!!
Oh my goodness. I need time to breatheXDDD

Remembered

2008-07-25T21:17:00.001+08:00

And of course, Happy Birthday Wei Te(:

Cuts and Memories

2008-07-25T20:51:00.005+08:00

Wushu training, Yajie got probably the biggest cut yet, sliced off a bit of skin on my mid finger and ring finger on Thu during training, and blood was soon flowing all over the first segment of my mid finger. Luckily it didn hurt the bones, but it was really painful at one part of it, especially after I ran the wound under water.@.@
Hmph after which Fangting proceeded to scold my dear broadsword for me. Dunno whether that will help...

It was really great to talk to my dearest 406 mates, walked home with Yixin after training, mugged with Dawn at the wishing well today, and celebrated Ali's bday with Sarah and gang. Somehow it just made me so glad that certain parts of those 2 years of class together still remains more than ever, and that parts of people that i hope haven't changed really haven't, and that what I thought we would have lost after seven months of isolation away from each other still burns strong in our bonds!

Today's also our class clown Kenneth's birthday, and to give a celebration befitting of his name, the guys didn't end at the usual taupok session. He got face smashed onto his face and (apparently) got stripped in the male toilet lol. It was just pure entertainment.

Sabo-ing various people in the canteen to taste fx's infamous blue cheese (I found 13 of them!) was real fun, especially when I see people's faces contort into various uncomfortable/torturous forms under the influence of the fugus-ish weird tasteXD Hahah the birthday boy Kenneth got the biggest piece, but he was man enough to not spit it out like some people hahahah. Somehow all my wushu male seniors that I met along the way were devious enough to evade the toothpick with the tiny white and green colour piece of cheese, which was kind of a disappoint, but it was fun nonetheless mwa hahahhaha.

Whee

2008-07-22T21:20:00.002+08:00

Yajie's dann happy! She has finally settled some very very frustrating list of people! And she hopes some day next month can be as fun, enjoyable and memorable as possible! Hahhahahah.

Night Festival

2008-07-19T15:19:00.002+08:00

The inaugural Singapore Night Festival kicked off with an extravagant show put up by the renowned Italian performing arts group Studio Festi - The Dancing Sky, in which we witnessed the most difficult maneuvers in the sky I thought ever possible!
Initially I was apprehensive of the timing (It was 9-11!), but I did turn up eventually, and boy I am definitely not regretting it. Using music from a variety of classical sources, the grace and elegance bespoken by those performers flying in the sky (with the aid of wires).
I liked the opening dance the best, what with the girl completely a floating ballerina under the sky. Anyone who has watched enough Chinese martial art dramas will know that it's extremely difficult to keep your body in complete harmonic position when you are suspended in the air, but the gentle flow of the dances yesterday night broke all such curses, there was even one part when the girl gracefully landed on the guy's hand, and set of again, something that totally reminded me of the lengend of a concubine (Zhao Fei Yan) in Chinese history - Light enough to dance on your palms.
The other really cool part was the dozen over pretty dancers that hand to stand on really tall skirts (Amounting to around 3m?) and dance in the middle of the street, they really looked like blown up dolls in the distance.
The exihibtions in the National Museum were cool as usual, introducing loads of Singaporean old stuff, like laksa lasi lemak roti prata etc etc. And we ended up eating some of them after the performance cause wenyu's dad was bring her ex-boss' daughter around Singapore. I felt really kinda crazy staying up so late into the night (12 something eh!) ahahah but it was oddly sane at the same time cause wenyu's dad was there to keep us in check><>
I guess the week was fine, albeit filled up with random stuff. Blur as I am, took the 59 bus instead of 56 when i was supposed ta go to kk for my vaccine injection, and was so frustrated after trying to find my way around with momgps system that i just bursted out in tears at some ulu bus stop. I think cause of the jam there'll sure be ppl on cars who are wondering why's this rjc girl crying in the middle of nowhere lol. But it felt so much better after crying I swear. I guess all the frustration needed some outlet.(:
Hmmm and if there's any hc ppl reading this blog (though i bet there isn'tXD), don't be too emo about blocks!

The Mysterious Ticking Noise

2008-07-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

Hahah our whole class's in love with the song lol:

射雕片尾曲《乌云然》

2008-07-16T16:34:00.001+08:00

Aftermath

2008-07-14T19:06:00.001+08:00

Just came home from ogl interview. Hmmm not too bad I think, but then again I realised I could definitely have handled the situation questions better if I really allowed myself to think about them instead of getting impatient and worried that I was thinking for too long><
Wish me luck people! Now I can safely retreat to emo abit ahahhaha.

Regarding Hats

2008-07-13T21:52:00.003+08:00

Woke up with more reminder that my IQ isn't imba high. It's just high. But not very high as compared to some ppl, but I guess considering that when I took the test I was talking to someone, watching the tv and listening to my mom nag at me to go to sleep, it isn't really an accurate gauge.
Got scammed by my dear mother in the morning with the list of things to do to clear up the house for visitors in the afternoon. Ytd she briefed me saying oh you have to wipe the tables and clear up your desk. That's all. And I woke up it became oh wipe all the tables outside, clear your desk, mop the floor, clear your window, and of course since you're wiping all the tables anyway wipe the stools tv desk etc etc. -_-lll The list kept on accumulating. And I wanted to strangle someone, but luckily everything was squeezed into an hour or so of work.
So because today was Open House day during which all prospective buyers come at one go to view my beautifully (REmade) home, I got chased out of the house so that "It wouldn't look so small", and spent most of the afternoon wasted away surfing the net in the library><>
Since nobody was able to cook anything I had the good fortune to go out and have dinner at some nearby seafood restaurant with my darling parents. Whereby they made my day.
Dad had the enthusiasm to lecture me the whole way there and half of the dinner about rising oil prices, and how it ties in with prices and elasticity that increases with price cause alternative forms of energy gets more competitive (sounds familiar?), and mom as usual made me waste half of the other time stoning about how to solve some problem of separating squares, or related shapes, into a specified number of same shapes with same volume, luckily my IQ not sooo low yet solved all of them within one hour lol.
And then my parents had some detailed argument：
About whether mom should have provided refreshments for the over 20 people that came to our house this afternoon. Both dad and my point of view were that she should have prepared something, she thought it was over doing things then later other ppl start thinking got some things to hide, then all the how we should treat guests they are still guests argument flew in. So the conclusion was that due to to my mom's grouchiness that it seemed a 2-1 argument, she started picking my dad's faults here and there on the way home. I swear the two of them are exactly complementary to each other, my dad's the kind that doesn get angry at this kind of things at all (Goes to show how i can still laugh after ppl insult me is an inherentant trait hmmm), and instead cause he knew my mom's like a volcano (aka erupt and it's gone), he just anyhow acted as if he was quarreling with her and then let her win eventually. So after a while he started praising mom to make her happy again, and here's the argument:
[老爸花言巧语起来]
妈：“他是在给我戴帽子。你不要在那边给我戴帽子了。”
老爸：“哪里是给你戴帽子……”[花言巧语中]
我：“老爸说你好你就听嘛。”
妈：“他那是在批发帽子呢。”
Hahahahaha. Just thought that was dann funny. But then again ppl'll find it very very cold. In case you share my dad and my sense of humour laugh a bit lol.
Arhhh ogl interview tomorrow I really really really want to be an ogl. I cannot express how much I want to be an ogl. The desire's phenominally strong.(:
Wish me luck!

A Random Quiz

2008-07-12T14:06:00.001+08:00

Hahah plugged this off Zhenjia’s blog(:
1. Last person/people you hung out with?
Yi Xin, mugging at the school libraryXD
2. Last person/people you went to the movies with?
Joey Wenyu Simjoo to watch it’s a boy girl thing.
3. Last person/people you went to the mall with?
Edmund, to Eastpoint Mall, cause we’re supposed to interview Mr Benny Se Teo, the owner of Eighteen Chefs (He rocks!)
4. Last person that made you laugh?
A senior that I know by name only! Cause I didn’t recognise him but realised it’s cause he shaved his head! Hahah dann funny.
5. Last person you cried about?
Someone in class that I’m never gonna do again!
6. Last person you texted?
My mom.
7. Last person you commented?
Errr what kind of comment!? Commented last on Wenyu’s blog, but regarding commenting about someone that’s another matter…
8. Last person you hugged?
Dawn!

Answer. Truthfully
1. Do you like anyone?
Nods><
2. Sun or moon?
Moon! Because of the sentiments associated with it.
3. Winter or fall?
Winter. Love the cold, love the snow, love the feeling.
4. Left or right?
Left.
5. 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?
Wenyu and Simjoo!
6. Sunny or rainy?
Sunny. Even though I used to love rainy days (It’s perfect to curl up and sleep) I found it too pessimistic on my moods.
7. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?
Vanilla with chocolate chips!

About You
1. What time is it now?
13:51.
2. What is your first name?
Yajie.
3. Where do you want to live?
Somewhere in the cool urban, or somewhere straight on the mountains with bamboos all around!
4. How many kids do you want?
2.
5. What will you name them?
I have no idea. Thought of the Chinese names though hahah.
6. When do you want to get married?
When I feel that the commitment with that special someone has reached a certain level. Hmmm it all depends on the feel of it.><
7. Have you ever eaten spam?
What’s that O_O
8. Favourite ice cream?
Durian!
9. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?
1. Called oatmeal. And I don’t like it period.
10. Do you cook?
Of course!
11. Current mood?
Normal?

In the Last 48 Hours Have You
1. Kissed someone?
Nope.
2. Prayed?
Atheist here!
3. Been hugged?
Yes! Dawn(:
4. Felt stupid?
Hmmm of course I always end up feeling stupid a lot of times, from how I fail to do certain things to how I do certain things to late to how I do certain things to early to how I should not have done certain things.
Sighhh.
5. Missed someone?
Yes.
6. Danced crazy?
Lol no.
7. Cried?
Ha no! See I improved!
8. Lied?
Err no?

Random Questions
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
If you consider the time my dad’s and my luggage got rummaged around by the checkpoint people in Changi.
2. Have a dog?
Had one. For a week. The little thing was too naughty that my dad gave him away><
3. When was the last time you went sliding?
Huh errr you mean the playground kind? Very long time ago!
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
Depends on the person in question. And of course, if the bed is big enough. I prefer to have loads of space!
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yeah think so.

Hey Friends!

2008-07-09T21:09:00.001+08:00

Hahaha I realised I should exploit anyone who reads my blog a bitXD
Help me do my project work survey at link:
http://www.esurveyspro.com/Survey.aspx?id=61fcfe66-a533-4347-a806-e40334838b4e
Thank you!

Yes Sir Yes Madame

2008-07-05T22:10:00.002+08:00

There's nothing like my parents. After a whole long day of work, they come home together, and proceed to discuss with each other how 过分 their daughter is right in front of her:
“你是不是也觉得亚婕很过分啊？”
“嗯。她实在太过分了。”
And you know why I am abhored upon?
I forgot to cook the rice before 7pm.
LOL.